CHAPTER 20: BUILDING A FUTURE

 

Fahari kissed Amana’s cheek. “Tell me the truth--how was it?”

She rolled on her back. “Come here, big boy. The rumors are true.” She patted on her chest with a paw, and he fell next to her, exhausted. She locked her soft paws around his neck and kissed his panting face. “The Mama wants The Daddy to get some rest. They have a long day ahead!”

A tired but satisfied grin spread across Fahari’s face. He was pleased by her soft golden body, but even more importantly in that moment his dignity--and the reputation of leopards everywhere--was still intact. “I’m so glad I met you, girl.”

“We’ll always be together, my spotted lover. Every day, every year, and I will love you with all my heart and soul.”

“Well, yes and no.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’ve given my life to you. I’ll be yours till I die. But lover, I have rounds to make and hunting to do. I don’t have lionesses to do my hunting for me.”

“Maybe not. But you can’t blame me for wanting it.”

She had passed it off casually. But when Fahari managed to slip into a contented sleep, she lay awake and disturbed. For a while, there would be pleasure and company. But where would she be left? Alone and without hope of cubs? Like an evening shadow, her dark feelings were magnified along with her affections. She saw her fears looming over her and they terrified her. Alone! Alone and hopeless!

She quietly disengaged herself from his embrace and left, going to the edge of their territory where the broad savanna began. She knew exactly where she was heading. 

Utamu paused and bent his down to sniff the bushes warily, then deposited his own mark, proclaiming his ownership of the lands. Sighing, he shook himself from head to tail and resumed his patrol, ears turning restlessly at each little sound, cataloguing them and dismissing them as non threatening. As he became accustomed to owning his own territory, he had learned to tune out the birdsong, the pleasant hum of bees, and the gentle sighing of the breeze, sounds that, engrossing as they were, only distracted him from his duties.

       He paused suddenly, curling about and staring. THAT sound did not belong. His ears perked to full alert and he growled. “Who goes there? Come out, NOW!”

       A face framed in gold appeared, one he had seen in endless dreams. “Utamu?”

       “Amana!” He roared in delight and ran to her, nuzzling her cheek and pawing at her affectionately. “I’m so happy to see you again!”

       She looked at him, searching his face. “Are you really?”

       Utamu stepped back, his face becoming serious. “Look, I’ve been thinking of what I would say if I ever saw you again, so don’t interrupt me--just listen. I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I want you to bring your leopard son along. I am not wild about them, but if you love him, I should give him a chance.”

       “Really? Do you really mean it??”

       “Yes. I mean it more than anything else I’ve ever said.”

       Amana smiled sadly. “I’m glad...but he’s not with me any longer.”

       The lion’s face fell. “Oh gods...I’m sorry. When did he die?”

       “Oh no, he’s not dead. He’s just grown. He’s grown now, and working on our first grandchildren.”

       “Has it been this long?” Utamu shook his head, then nuzzled her softly. “Come...let me show you your new home.”

       Amana stroked him with a paw. “Later...I have something I have to do first.”

Fahari was in a near state of panic when she returned. “Where did you go? I was worried sick!” He nuzzled her tenderly and nibbled her ear. “Are you ready, hon? I can wait if you’re still nervous.”

“I'm doing what I feel is right for both of us. I'm leaving you--you will not see me again.”

He gaped at her in shock. “Did I do a poor job?? I’m sorry! I thought it was good for you too!”

Amana licked his cheek and sighed. “It was good. It’s not that at all. It’s that I’m a lioness and I want....”

“A lion??”

“No, darling! Cubs! And some company. I’m alone out here. I have nowhere to turn.” A tear wended its way through the fur on her cheek to splash on her paw. “You’re a leopard. You can’t live like a lion, and I understand and respect that. And while I love you I could never be happy here.”

       Desperate, Fahari felt his heart floundering as his whole world seemed to cave in on him. “I will stay with you. I will be your pride. But don’t leave me, Amana! Please!”

       Only she among lions knew what a sacrifice he was making. “But you could not give me cubs. Fahari, I’m young. I want to be a mother again. Find yourself a good leopardess and treat her as well as you treated me. The gods will make you a father again.”

Fahari stared at her, his gaze shifting from disbelief to anger. “Fine. You want to leave me, go back to your friends. I was afraid you would try to change me anyhow. I like me just the way I am. Free, unattached, a leopard!" 

Stung, she glared at him tightly. "If that’s how you feel, you can have your life! Good riddance!" She spun on her paws and paced off, shoulders stiff with anger. Each step away from him tore another piece from her heart, her limbs beginning to shake with the effort it took to keep moving. Finally she paused, taking in a shuddering breath, and looked over her shoulder.

Fahari was several lengths away frozen in mid-stride, peering over his own shoulder at her, his eyes flickering like a dying fire. Uttering a mewling cry, Amana turned and ran to him, meeting him halfway and burying her face in his shoulder. "I love you just the way you are, too. Oh gods, this is killing me! The cubs father is still alive. He still wants me. Please wish me happiness."

Fahari nodded, his eyes glistening as he fought to keep his dignity and not weep like a cub in front of her. “I do. I have no choice. But please consider this your home. Come back when you remember who really loves you.” Trembling, he kissed her throat and rubbed his cheek with hers. “Amana, I want you. Just make love with me one more time. Just once more to remember what real love feels like when you walk the dark trail!"

Sadly, she shook her head. “I must save myself for my lion. Once I was driven out for looking afield. Not anymore.” She licked his cheek tenderly, then drew away. “Goodbye, mpendwa.”

He rubbed his cheek softly with a paw as he watched her fade into the grasses. "Gods, I love that girl!" He shouted after her, "As long as I draw breath, this shall be your home. Come back to me."

 

 

EPILOGUE:

       Amana crouched sphinx-like in front of the spot where her cubs had died. The hole itself was no longer visible—without an owner, the rains had gradually filled what was left of it with dirt and leaves. The large thorn bushes had not grown back, but the area was covered by green growth. A stranger seeing it for the first time would never suspect that a fire had seared that ground, but Amana was no stranger. She felt close to Kata, Jamili and Hamu, her first cubs. With time came healing from the sharper pains of grief, and it had become more of a regret. That freed her to remember the good times once again, to smile as she thought about Jamili’s tender heart, Kata’s shyness, and Hamu’s boisterous play. Jamili would have loved Chui and Fahari. Jamili was so full of love, he could see no ugliness in anything. “My special little boy,” Amana whispered. “I haven’t forgotten you. Any of you.”

       Fahari was headed on his usual rounds. His predictable habits had not changed, something Amana was counting on.

       “Amana??”

       “Fahari??”

       She watched the look on his face carefully as it changed from surprise to mild disapproval. “I thought you were gone for good. What are you doing so far from your pride?”

       “We were taken over by a rogue male. Utamu is dead. I know it for sure this time." She hung her head. “I lost him twice.”

       Fahari nodded gravely, but his eyes showed no great grief. “Sorry. I guess you didn’t quite get what you bargained for."

       Amana said, “I can understand if you feel a little resentment toward me.”

“You’re darned right, I do!”

"You said I could come back. I came here in the hopes that your offer was good."

       "I always keep a promise. You may hunt here--I won't try to stop you."

       Amana slumped. “Aren't you the least bit glad to see me??"

       "Once I was glad to see you. And look what it got me." He gruffly snorted. "So your lion is dead and I get the honor of filling the gap he left in your life?? I guess I should be thrilled."

       Amana sighed. "Fahari, I have always loved you. I’m back for good. This time things will be different."

       "I wish I could believe that. Really I do. But why should I? What could you possibly say to make me believe things will be different this time?"

       Amana started toward them, her heart breaking as she saw him step back carefully, the distance between them more now than just physical. Tears ran down her cheek. "Oh Fahari! I didn't want to tell you till I knew we would be welcome here...."

       He saw her tears and softened. “We?”

       She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm pregnant." Her chin trembled. “I was hoping you’d love them because they’re mine. You wanted us to have cubs again. But whether you love me or not, I have no choice. I have no where else to go."

       He brightened. “You say that like it’s bad news. You’re going to kindle? I think you should be happy!”

       Amana looked up and met his glance directly. “Fahari, could you ever forgive me? Could you ever love me as you once did?”

       He straightened proudly, his chest swelling. "Now look here," he said authoritatively. "As long as you're raising my cubs, you're my mate, and I reserve the right to stop by from time to time and make sure you're doing a good job. You will recognize my authority, and in return, I’ll protect you and your territory from....."

       She suddenly pounced on him, bearing him to the ground. Pinning his slender, spotted body to the grass, she kissed him repeatedly. "Fahari! I'll never leave you again, I swear!"

       A smile came to Fahari's tired features for the first time in months. He reached up with a paw and caressed Amana's cheek. "Welcome home, old girl."

 

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