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Sound of children cheering and laughing



 

BRIDGET

They love it!

 

CHILD

Give me that. I want that!

 

BRIDGET

Not now, sweetie, I’m on television.

 

CHILD

But I want it!

 

BRIDGET

Be a nice child and go away.

 

CHILD

Give it to me!

 

BRIDGET

I said, get lost!

 

CHILD

Mum! She hit me!

 

BRIDGET

This is Bridget Evans, Channel 9, Knightsbridge.

 

CHILD

Get the police, mummy!

 

BRIDGET

Oh, will you keep your child quiet?!!

 

Sound of siren

 

NICK

That’s it!

 

HECTOR

What?

 

NICK

Children’s parties. Rich children’s parties.

 

HECTOR

You can’t go, you are too old!

 

NICK

No, she said – top class entertainers. That’s us. We will be party entertainers to rich children for loads of money!

 

HECTOR

Don’t we need an elephant?

 

NICK

No! We’ve got you!

 

HECTOR

Oooh!

 

NICK

No. Hmmm!

 

HECTOR

Hmmm!

 

NICK

Yeah.

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

I am learning how to hypnotise people.

 

ANNIE

You are feeling very sleepy.

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

I’ve tried it on Hector and Nick …

 

ANNIE

BUTTERFLY!!

 

HECTOR

I don’t think it’s working, Annie.

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

But nothing’s happened – yet.

 

ANNIE

A hypnotic state can last for two days.

Oh.

 

NICK [Composing email]

Hector and I are going to be top class party entertainers to rich children.

 

NICK

We’ll be party entertainers to rich children for loads of money!

 

NICK

OK guys, what do you think of this?

‘Posh Parties – make your child’s party go with a bang.

We are top class children’s entertainers, we make them laugh …’

 

HECTOR

... We make them cry!

 

ANNIE

It’s not like that, Hector.

 

NICK

‘Book Posh Parties for the best party in the world. Only millionaires need apply.’

What do you think?

BRIDGET

I think you’d be lucky to get one reply.

 

Sound of telephone ringing

 

ANNIE

Ooh!

Hello. Oh, yes, erm, this is Posh Parties. Who is calling, please?

Mrs George Ducas?!

 

NICK

Not the wife of Mr George Ducas?!

 

HECTOR

Who?

 

NICK

George Ducas, the Hollywood director.

 

BRIDGET

You know who it is, don’t you!

 

NICK

Victoria, Lucas’s mother.

 

VICTORIA

Lucas, say ‘hello’ to Uncle Nicky-Wicky!

 

NICK

Hi.

 

Electrical buzzing noise

 

NICK

Ah!

 

ANNIE

Hello. Oh, you’d like to book a party – for your stepdaughter.

Oh, she loves fairies. Well, I have just the fairy for you, Princess Nicky, oh and here she is!

 

NICK

Hello! Princess Nicky speaking. Oh yes, of course I know what little girls like! I used to be one myself, you know. Ha-hmm-hmm.

Oh, certainly Mrs Ducas, Daisy’s birthday on Friday, we’ll be there. Bye-ee!

Oh no!

 

ANNIE

Nick, that’s fantastic news! It’s your first booking!

 

HECTOR

Yeah!

 



NICK

But I will have to go to the home of George Ducas dressed as a fairy princess! What will Victoria say?! Bah! Who cares! This is my chance to get into Hollywood.

 

BRIDGET

Erm, it’s the nearest you’ll ever get to Hollywood. Anyway, what can you do?

 

NICK

What can I do?

 

BRIDGET

What can you do to entertain children?

 

NICK

I can juggle!

 

HECTOR

So can I!

 

BRIDGET

Is that it?

 

NICK

No, I can do lots of things.

Anyway I  will have my assistants, Hector and …

 

ANNIE

Ah-ah-ah, I’m working on Friday. She’s not.

 

NICK

Bridget.

 

BRIDGET

Oh no, no. Children and I do not work well together.

 

NICK

Oh well, suit yourself, it’s only the home of George Ducas, with the children of Hollywood stars!

 

BRIDGET

Celebrities?

 

NICK

Ahm.

 

BRIDGET

Oh, all right.

But I’m not dressing up.

 

Sound of background atmospheric music

 

BRIDGET

I feel ridiculous!

 

NICK

You  feel ridiculous, what about me?

 



HECTOR

Ah, this is the last box.

 

NICK

Ah, great!

VICTORIA

Are you ready?

NICK

Ooh!

 

VICTORIA

Nick!

 

NICK

Oh!

 

VICTORIA

Princess Nicky.

 

NICK

Ha-ha, hi Victoria.

I mean, hello, Mrs Ducas, ha-ha.

 

VICTORIA

So, how’s the acting going?

 

NICK

Oh, great, great, this is just a, a temporary job! Ha-ha.

Hmm, is George here?

 

VICTORIA

He’s next door, chatting to a few friends.

Erm, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Orlando Bloom and Jude Law.

 

NICK

That’s nice, yeah …

 

VICTORIA

Mmm. Well, let’s bring in the birthday girl.

Daisy, in you come!

 

Assorted background noises and accompanying music as children enter room

 

VICTORIA

Have a good time! [Sound of kissing]

Anyway, I’m just going next door to have drinkies!

 


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