INTRODUCTION: How Do You Do?

We all have a dream, a hearth's desire. Most have more than one. Some of us have an entire entourage. This is a book about discovering (or rediscovering) those dreams, how to choose which dreams to pursue, and practical suggestions for achieving them.

There's a lot of good news about our dreams:

• By pursuing any one of our dreams, we can find fulfillment. We don't need to pursue them all.
• We don't have to achieve a dream in order to find fulfillment — we need only actively pursue the dream to attain satisfaction.
• By living our dream, we can contribute not only to ourselves, but to everyone and everything around us.

And yet, with all this good news, most people are not pursuing their dreams.

When we're not pursuing our dreams, we spend our time and abilities pursuing the things we think will make us happy, the things we believe will bring us fulfillment: the new house, the new car, the new cashmere jump suit.

There's an old saying: "You can't get enough of what you don't really want." When the new car doesn't make us happy, we tend to blame the new car for not being "enough," and set our sights on a "better" new car. Surely that will make us happy.

Many people are so far away from living their dream that they have forgotten what their dream truly is.

It is sad. It is unnecessary. It is wasteful And yet, it's so common an ailment that its become a cliché. We have abandoned our heart's desire — and somewhere, deep down, we know it. Even if we don't remember quite what it is — we miss it.

Why aren't we living our dreams?

Because there is something we are trained to honor, more than our dreams: the comfort zone.

The comfort zone is all the things we have done often enough to feel comfortable doing again. Whenever we do something new, it falls outside the barrier of the comfort zone. In even contemplating a new action, we feel fear, guilt, unworthiness, hurt feelings, anger — all those things we generally think of as "uncomfortable."

When we feel uncomfortable enough long enough, we tend to feel discouraged (a form of exhaustion and we return to thoughts, feelings and actions that are more familiar, more practiced, more predictable — more, well, comfortable.

The irony is that the feelings we have been taught to label "uncomfortable" are, in fact, among the very tools necessary to fulfill our dreams. As it turns out, the bricks used to build the walls of comfort zone are made of gold.

Why don't we know this?

The training we, received as children—which, for the most part, is appropriate for children—is not appropriate for adults. The rules of an independent, productive adult are not the same rules of a dependent, limited child. What is true for children can be counterproductive for adults. We live our lives as though it were a bicycle with the training wheels still in place — limiting, entirely too safe, and somewhat boring

We no longer believe in Santa Claus, but we still believe that "being uncomfortable" is reason enough not to do something new. The Easter Bunny hopped out of our lives years ago, yet we still let "what other people might think" affect our behavior. The tooth fairy was yanked from our consciousness long before adolescence, but we still feel we can justify any personal failure by finding someone or something outside ourselves to blame.

Most people are drifting along in a childish sleep. To live our dreams, we must wake up.

In reading that last, sentence, do you feel your comfort zone being challenged? That will happen a lot in this book. That tingling we feel when we contemplate waking up and living our dreams we can label either "fear" or excitement." No matter what we call it, it's the same feeling. If we call it fear, it's an uncomfortable feeling, and we tend to find reasons not to read any further. If we call it excitement, we turn it into energy that makes the process of learning and doing an active, enjoyable one.

It's your choice. It's always your choice. The trouble is, many of us have delegated that choice to habits formed long ago, formed when we knew far less about life than we know now. We let habits formed when we were two or four or six or ten or fifteen control our lives today.

To change a habit requires work. Make no mistake about it: reading this book will not change your life, just as reading a guidebook to France will not show you France. It may give you a sense of France, perhaps, but France is France and can only be experienced through action.

And so it is with your dreams. This book will show you how to discover your dreams, how to select the dreams you choose to pursue, and how to fulfill those dreams — but if you don't act upon those how's, you will never see Paris from atop the Eiffel Tower.

Although fulfilling our dreams requires work, the process can also be fun. Which reminds us of a joke.

An Indian Chief greeted a friend by raising his hand in the traditional salute and saying, "Chance!"

"Chance?" his friend asked, "You must mean 'How!' "

"I know how," the Chief responded, "I'm looking for chance."

This book is your chance. It's a chance you are giving yourself. Imagine for a moment that you are powerful enough to have had this book written just for you. When you get a sense of that power, you'll know that you have all it takes to fulfill your dream. Any dream. Your dream.

F. Scott Fitzgerald met Joan Crawford at a Hollywood party. He told her that he had been hired to write the screenplay for her next film. She looked him straight in the eye and said, "Write hard, Mr. Fitzgerald, write hard."

Imagine that we co-authors are looking you straight in the eye and saying, "Dream big, dear reader, dream big."

What's our Big Dream? Well, we call the 1990's The DO IT! Decade. It's not just ten years at the end of a century, but the culmination of an entire millennium. For a thousand years, the collective hearts of humanity have had some worthwhile dreams—world peace, harmony with one's self and neighbors, an environment in which all things can grow and prosper, a respect for all life.

Well, we think it's time to DO IT!

This global fulfillment doesn't demand the sacrifice of personal dreams. It merely requires the alignment of personal dreams to a larger vision.

When we discover how easy it is to fulfill personal dreams — even the ones that seem "really big" before the achievement of them — we are naturally inspired to fulfill even larger dreams: our global, universal dreams.

The truth is, pursuing a Big Dream of our own choosing is the same amount of work as gathering more and more of the things you don't really want. You're going to spend the rest of your life doing something. It might as well be something you want to do.

"But what about money? But what about time? But what about this? But what about that?" We'll get to all that (and all this, tool There are a lot of buts to "get off" before we can even consider living our dreams.

Let's bring this Introduction to a close by answering the question we posed at the beginning: "How do you do?"

That's easy. You do by learning. "Great. And how do you learn?"

You learn by doing.

A chicken — and — egg conundrum to be sure; yet one that can easily be penetrated by this deceptively simple thought: "The willingness to do creates the ability to do."

For now, simply be willing to do. Be willing to do what it takes to read this book. That takes the willingness to finish this page and turn to the next. That takes the willingness to finish this paragraph. That takes the willingness to finish this sentence (which you have just done—congratulations!).

Where does the willingness come from? From you.

As Joni Mitchell pointed out, "It all comes down to you."

We certainly agree, and would only add, "It all comes down to do."

¯

This book is part of The LIFE 101 Series. The series includes the umbrella (overview) book LIFE 101: Everything We Wish We Had Learned About Life In School — But Didn't, as well as You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought: A Book for People with Any Life-Threatening Illness—Including Life. Although all the books in the series support each other, each stands independently and can be read separately.

PART ONE
WHY WE'RE NOT LIVING OUR DREAMS

You may find this first part of the book depressing. We're going to explain why most people aren't living their dreams — and we're not going to pull any punches.

It's not a pretty picture.

We want to make it clear that the reason we aren't living our dreams is inside ourselves. For the most part, however, we pretend it's people, things and situations outside ourselves that are to blame. (Not enough money, education, contacts, intelligence, looks, etc., etc.)

If you find it depressing to take a detailed look at the trap in which many people find themselves, take heart— there are five more sections, each more optimistic than the last.

On the other hand, you might find this an uplifting section. You may say, on more than one occasion, "So that's why that happens!" Knowing the truth about the cause of something — especially after so many years of being misled — can be liberating.

Further, when We know that the cause of something is in ourselves, and that we (ourselves) are one of the few things in this universe that we have the right and the ability to change, we begin to get a sense of the choices we really do have, an inkling of the power we have, a feeling of being in charge — of our lives, of our future, of our dreams.

This Was Going to Be a Truly Great Opening Chapter, But...

This was going to be the best opening chapter you could possibly imagine, but so many things got in the way.

We were going to spend lots of time writing it, but, well, you know how time goes!

We were going to get lots of touching and poignant and humorous examples of people not getting things done, but we never got around to interviewing the people.

We were going to gather lots of wonderful quotes to illustrate our points, but we left the quote book at home, and this chapter is being written at a lecture hall outside Carmel, California. (Besides, we think the dog ate it.)

We were going to make sure that this chapter was so informative, so readable and so wonderful that if you were reading it in a bookstore, you'd buy the book, or, if you were reading it in a library, you'd check it out, or, if you were reading it at home, you'd decide, "Boy, I'm certainly going to enjoy reading this book!" but we decided to watch this movie on TV last night, and we were going to work on the chapter afterward, but then we went out for ice cream, and then we were tired, and decided to start fresh in the morning, but then we slept late, and then we went out for breakfast and took a drive past an aquarium and decided to stop in, then we went for lunch, and then thought we'd take a nap and start fresh in the evening, but then we started watching a documentary on TV, then, of course, it was time for dinner, then we were invited to the movies, and we don't want to be rude to our friends, and besides we sort - of wanted to see the movie anyway, then we were going to go right back and work on this chapter, but then we remembered how good the ice cream was the night before...

But

But — that three-letter, four-letter word. It permeates our language. It's a nasty little word. It allows us to lie to ourselves — and to severely limit ourselves — without even knowing it.

Let's look at a typical sentence containing "but."

"I want to visit my sick grandmother, but it's too cold outside."

When used in that kind of sentence, "but" usually means: "Ignore all that good-sounding stuff that went before — here comes the truth." We might even consider BUT an acronym for Behold the Underlying Truth. (And BUTS can be shortened to BS.)

The truth within the above sentence is that grandma is not getting a visit. The lie is that we care so much about our sick grandmother that we really want to pay her a visit. (Note our sensitivity to her need for visitation, and our compassion for wanting to visit her.)

At this point, entering stage right, are two of but's dearest friends — if only and try.

"If only it were a fine spring day, I'd be into the woods and on my way to Grandmother's house. If only it weren't so darn cold, I'd be at Granny's side right now. I'm going to try to get there tomorrow!"

Unless, of course, we are too busy, too poor, too tired, too               (please fill in the blank with one of your favorites), or perhaps not feeling all that good ourselves.

But even if we and everything else were fine and dandy, let's not forget the about the wolves...

Yes-But

The naked "but" is what we use when ignoring our own good advice. When ignoring the unbearably good advice from another source, we use the hyphenated version: "yes-but."

In a sentence, it might seem as though these were two words — separated by a period, or at least a coma. They are, in fact, a hyphenate: yes-but. There would be no "yes" if the "but" were not close behind — and attached.

'You really should pay your car insurance."

"Yes-but, I don't get paid until next week."

"You could get a cash advance on your credit card."

'Yes-but, I owe so much already."

"If you have an accident you'll have no insurance."

'Yes-but, I'll drive real careful."

And on and on.

When we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them. Yes-but means, "Here come the arguments for my. limitations." Or, if you favor acronyms, YES-BUT = 'Your Evaluation is Superb — Behold the Underlying Truth.".

The only thing more foolish than a person pouring forth a stream of "yes-buts" is the person who continues to give good advice in the face of obvious indifference.

'Yes-but,, I thought if I tried just once more, it might be the bit of wisdom that would change their lives."

Uh huh. And what did Jesus have to say about this? "Give not which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." (Matthew 7,6)[1]

"Ouch."

Reasons or Results

In any given area of life, we have one of two things: reasons or results — excuses or experiences, stories or successes, justifications or justice,

We either have what we want, or we have ironclad, airtight, impenetrable reasons why it was not even marginally possible to get it.

We use one of the most powerful tools at our disposal — the mind — for our disposal. Rather than dispose of the barriers to our dreams, the mind disposes of the dreams.

In the amount of time it takes for the mind to invent a good excuse, it could have created an alternate way of achieving the desired result — rendering excuse-making unnecessary.

But, alas, as John Kenneth Galbraith pointed out, "In the choice between changing one's mind and proving there's no need to do so, most people get busy on the proof."

While we're on the subject of the mind, let's give the mind something to ponder — a premise we'll be considering throughout the book ...

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