Your face right in your soup.

Tony's hand strikes the clock, causing it to fall on the floor.

MICKEY CLOCK

Comb your hair. Comb your hair.

Comb your hair.

It stops. Tony is half awake. For the other half to rise, he needs a cigarette. He reaches for the Lucky Strike pack. Empty. More moans. Next he fiddles for his wig and places it on his head. He gets up out of bed.

TONY

Where's a cigarette?

I gotta have a cigarette.

He walks over to the fire escape facing the street. He looks down and sees the neighborhood kids hanging out on the corner before school starts.

EXT. STREET CORNER - MORNING - KIDS

KID 1

Yeah, so's your old man.

KID 2

Hey, cool it. Tony's up.

KID 3

Five will get you ten

He bums a cigarette.

KID 2

(yelling up to Tony)

Hey, Tony, how you doin'?

Without a cigarette Tony looks and sounds like a wimp.

TONY

Yeah, yeah. Please, please.

How ya doin', how ya doin'.

Listen, does anybody have

A cigarette on 'em?

Kid 3 gives others that, “I told ya” look.

KID 2

(throwing Tony a cig)

Sure, Ton! ...

So, how did it go last night?

Tony misses the cigarette; it lands on the fire escape and he has to bend to pick it up. He then tries to get his cigarette lighter working.

TONY

Come on, come on, light already.

It does -- finally flame meets tobacco. We hear the lungs inhale, the pause and then the exhale. Tony Clifton has risen!

TONY

(coming to life)

How ya doin'! How ya doin'!

So, ya wanna know how she was

last night? I'll tell ya... she was

just like Sophia Loren...

Coulda' been her twin sister.

KID 1

(to other kids)

Who's Sophia Loren?

They shrug their shoulders. By now, Tony is puffing and strutting along the fire escape as only he knows how.

KID 2

Tony, I don't know how

You do it every night.

TONY

I'll tell ya, it's all in da foreplay...

All in da foreplay. Ya gotta use

Your hands. Ya gotta use your

Speech. Ya gotta show da woman

Dat you're not a wimp. Ya gotta be

a man. Y'know... da old technique.

While Tony is expounding his philosophy of life, one kid looks at his watch, taps the other two guys on the shoulders, then they all cut out without Tony knowing.

TONY

And another thing, ya tell 'em da

Natural order a things. Man, woman, dog.

Ya tell 'em dat an' ya got em' eatin' outta

De palm a ya hand. As a matter a fact,

She's waitin' for me inside right dis moment.

I'm gonna lay a little more pipe before I

start da old day. If y'know what I mean!

Tony struts back inside his empty room. Sinatra's picture seems to be grinning.

SLOW DISSOLVE

INT. SALT & PEPPER SHAKER PLANT - ASSEMBLY LINE - WORKERS

Busy on the line.  As the camera pans their faces, we see bleak expressions mirroring the monotony of their jobs. We end on Tony, screwing the tops on salt and pepper shakers as they go by on a conveyor belt. Next to him is Bugsy Meyer, Tony's pal.

TONY

(bragging)

If ya think that's somethin', ya shoulda

 seen the chiquita I had last night...

As a matter of fact, I had two of 'em last night.

BUGSY

Two of 'em, wow!

TONY

That's right, two of em...

Just like a ham sandwich.

BUGSY

Gee.

CUT TO

KONWAY

Another worker who finds Tony definitely not worth the price of admission. Nearby is Aunty Deb, a robust black woman.

KONWAY

(taking toothpick out of mouth)

We gotta get ourselves a radio around here.

AUNTY DEB

Who needs a radio when we dun got Tony?

KONWAY

I wanna listen to music, not bullshit.

TONY

I'm gonna make believe I didn't hear dat.

KONWAY

(mockingly)

Two of 'em, just like a ham sandwich...

Face it, Clifton, you've never even

seen how it looks!

TONY

Don't tell me I've never seen how it looks.

I've seen how it looks plenty a times.

KONWAY

Bullshit!

TONY

(remembering the kids

That morning)

Yeah, so's your old man!

WORKER 1

Will you guys quit it...

The boss is gonna hear you.

TONY

I don't care. He ain't tellin' me

I've never seen how it looks.

I've seen it plenty a times.

KONWAY

Oh, yeah?

TONY

Yeah!

KONWAY

Yeah? Tell me how it looks then.

TONY

I'll tell ya how it looks.

KONWAY

Okay, tell me.

TONY

It looks just like a...

(stumped)

Ham sandwich.

KONWAY

Oh, man. You're so full of shit.

TONY

Yeah, you're full a shit too.

BUGSY

Tony, take it easy.

TONY

He ain't tellin' me I've

Never seen how it looks.

KONWAY

(giving him the finger)

Get bent.

TONY

That's it, fella,

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