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Bobby was taken aback but he invited the girl in and answered all her questions while his cabbie friend sat there smiling. Finally Bobby figured



[317]

out the scam—the driver had his meter running the whole time! He was charging the girl a high price for this introduction.

Lately the newspapers have been carrying stories of McGuinness purchasing for Bono at a charity auction a match with Russian chess champion Gary Kasparov. The reports all explain that Bono was a child chess prodigy. One even quoted Bono as saying, "I reckon I have a good shot at beating him." Now, aside from its value as another example of the inability of some newspapers to spot a tongue in a cheek, there is some historic basis for claims of Bono's chess-playing skill. He's told me that as a kid he was crazy about the game, and at a young age he beat the local chess teacher to the wonder of all. He always downplayed this enthusiasm because chess is so un—rock & roll. Later this was a source of common ground with Bob Dylan, who had hidden his bishops under a basket for the same reason. I asked Mr. Hewson to tell me about young Bono's gift for chess.

"I think that's been blown up," he says with a tolerant smile. "The press got it and blew it up. I taught him how to play chess, though I haven't played in donkeys' years now. He did join a chess club and he won a couple of medals. He beat the chairman of the club and I think in order to maintain the chairman's reputation he more or less exaggerated Paul's prowess." We both start laughing and Mr. Hewson adds, "I think that's the real story!" (Bono once pointed out that the fact that he was a child in a club full of adults would not impress his father one bit: if Paul won the chess contest it must mean the fella he played against was no good.)

When I leave I tell Mr. Hewson I'm going to grab a cab back to central Dublin and he says that's a ridiculous waste of money, I can get the DART (Dublin Area Rapid Transit) train right down the road. I say, Oh, okay, and I think he can tell I'm planning to get a taxi anyway, so he insists on driving me to the train station. We go out and get in his car and Mr. Hewson immediately announces we can save some time by driving the wrong way down a one-way street. A curving, downhill, one­way street where you wouldn't see a truck coming around the bend until you were pasted to the grillework. I see where Bono inherited his driving skills.

I ask what, if U2 ended tomorrow, Bobby would wish for his son for the rest of his life.

I would hope that he would readily readjust to ordinary life," he

[318]

says. "That he would be happy with his wife and kids, because he has a lovely wife and lovely children. And he would maintain a normal, happy life. Wealth doesn't bring happiness,"

"All has set up a situation that allows him to come and go," I point out. "The house functions without him."

"Oh, absolutely!" Mr. Hewson laughs. "The house functions better without him, I think! You've no idea what he's like. He hasn't changed. He's still the same as he always was. He's cute in his own way. It's the old story. I have a brother who was never any good at jobs, couldn't do anything, never even rode a bicycle. And everybody felt sorry for him. On one occasion the fella next door came in and painted his house. Once you get the name of being like that nobody asks you to do anything!

"When I was getting married there was an old chap who called me up one day and he said, 'Bobby, I'm going to give you two words of advice and remember them: the first time the wife asks you to go to the supermarket don't say no. Go to the supermarket but bring back all the wrong things. You'll never be asked to go again!' His second word of advice was, 'If the kitchen tap leaks don't send for a plumber, get a bloody big spanner and flood the kitchen. You'll never be asked to do any more jobs again.' And that's true! Perfectly true. And Paul has pursued that policy."

Cork Popping


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