The Myth of the 40-Hour Work Week

Most people think they "need" to work forty hours per week. For some, that's true. For others, it's sixty hours per week. For still others, eighty. (Ask any spouse whose "job" it is to care for the house, or creative person working on a project, or monk in a monastery, or social activist working for change). For some others, it might be five or ten.

Just as "the work expands to fill the time available," so, too, the "needs" expand to consume the money available. ("Expenditure rises to meet income." — C. Northcote Parkinson.) If we are bringing home forty-hours' worth of money, we will spend it. As John Guare pointed out, "The rich live hand-to-mouth, too — just on a higher level." If that forty-hours' worth of work amounts to $150 or $1,500 or $15,000 or $150,000, or $1,500,000 — it will be spent.

Many people are trapped in the myth of a 40-hour work week.

If we define "job" as what we do that we don't really want to do to get money to do what we really want to do (reread it a few times — it makes sense), then the number of hours we work depends upon (A) what it cost us to do what we want to do, and (B) how much per hour we get.

What about our basic needs? Good question! Basic needs are often dictated by what we want to do. For example, someone who wants to pray all day and serve God might be able to combine that with life in a monastery and not have to work for even one hour per week at the local fast-food emporium.

Someone wanting to make global changes could find the same all-expenses-paid fulfillment of a goal in the Peace Corps, or, if they wanted to do it domestically, in VISTA. The examples go on and on.

The meeting of our basic needs should be based on the fulfillment of our heart's desire, not on the latest style, or how to intensely fill the few "leisure" hours we have when not working at a job we hate.

To significantly raise your standard of living sometimes requires significantly lowering it for a while. Say you want to write a book, and you have a $25,000 car and a $2,000 per month apartment. You don't need those to write a book. A $5,000 car (or even a $500 moped) and a $500 per month apartment is all you need.

"Yes, but..."

Do we hear the comfort zone on the rise?

People who plan to "make it" had better plan to sacrifice — and that starts with creature comforts. It might mean a smaller living space, bringing in a roommate, or turning the current living space into an office. Either way — discomfort, ho! It may mean fewer dinners out with friends, fewer trips, fewer new clothes, not as many CD's, domestic wines, domestic sparkling water (aka club soda), domestic pasta, domestic vinegar — and no domestics.

Remember the New England maxim? "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." Do without what? Oh, just our dreams.

One of the toughest things to sacrifice is the idea that we should be comfortable all the time. We only said you would find satisfaction pursuing your dreams, not comfort.

When we want all the creature comforts the Joneses have, we trade our time for those comforts — the time we spend at a job making money that may be keeping us from living our dreams. Time is precious. It is given each day in equal measure to us all. What we do with that time determines what we achieve in our lives.

TIME = DREAMS

Also, let go of the myth that we only have one career, profession, marriage, religious belief, etc. per lifetime. Person after person has demonstrated (in some areas you may be one of them) that this is simply not true. Or that there is a certain age at which you can begin any of these.

This is your life — not a myth. Let your life be one that inspires myth making — don't make your life a slave to the myths of the past.

What Do You Want?

Here it is, the chapter you've been looking forward to — with eagerness, anxiety or both. Here, you'll discover what you want. You'll get to choose which of those wants you'll pursue, which you'll let pass, and which you'll postpone.

The underlying question of this chapter was best stated by Dr. Robert Schuller, "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

The answer to this question may require some reflection. We use the word "reflection" rather than "thought" because, as William James once said, "A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices."

We all have prejudices. We think we don't know what we want, and that becomes a prejudice. We think we know for sure what we want, and that becomes a prejudice. We think we'll discover what we want sometime — but not now — and that becomes a prejudice.

To the degree you can, clear the slate. Start fresh. If a dream is truly your dream, it will survive the questions we are about to put to you. If it is not your time to know, nothing we can ask will part the veil. You and your dream are safe. How well you learn about your dream in this process is entirely up to you.

If you happen to have some 3x5 cards lying around (ha!), get them. And a pen or pencil. If you're not using 3x5 cards, get three pads or piles of paper and make lists. Without 3x5 cards, you'll have to do a bit more recopying.

Let's start by returning to the sanctuary.

Imagine going to the entryway. It opens for you. You step inside and bathe under the pure, white light just inside the entryway. You know that only that which is for your highest good can take place while you are in your sanctuary, and during this process.

It's important to ask this for, as Cicero said, "the highest good." It's usual for various glamour-seeking parts of us to want something, not because we want it, out De-cause it would be impressive to have. Obtaining these things only leads to woe. As St. Theresa of Avila said, "More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones." Or, to quote Oscar Wilde, "When the gods choose to punish us, they merely answer our prayers."

Asking for the highest good of all concerned allows your true dreams to surface. In that way, when our prayers are answered, they need only invoke tears of joy.

Go to the People Mover and invite in your Master Teacher. See your Master Teacher appear through the white light of the People Mover. Welcome your Master Teacher. Chat for a while about the process you are about to do.

This is a special process using your sanctuary. You can open your eyes, write things down, do things, and when you close your eyes again, you're immediately back in the sanctuary, precisely where you were when you opened your eyes. In fact, this entire process is done in the sanctuary — some of it with your eyes open, some with your eyes closed.

Open your eyes. You're about to make three piles of cards (or three lists). Each card will contain one item. As you write each item, place it in the appropriate pile.

Write a card to identify each pile. The first is labeled "WANTS," the second "QUALITIES and ABILITIES," and the third "LIMITATIONS."

Now, start filling out the cards. Free associate. A WANT ("Move to New York") might spark some of your QUALITIES and ABILITIES ("Adventurous," "Flexible," "Cultured"), and also some LIMITATIONS ("Not enough money," "Fear," "Leaving friends behind").

An ABILITY ("Talented") might prompt a WANT ("Become an opera singer"), which may inspire a LIMITATION ("Too much work").

Once a card has been filled out on a given subject, it need not be repeated. One "fear" card, for example, is enough. (Might as well fill that one out right now and get it over with.)

Don't bother sorting or prioritizing the cards. If you "want" a hot fudge sundae, write it down. And, despite the rattlings of an earlier chapter, if money, fame and power pop into your mind, by all means fill a card with them (three cards, in fact).

Tiny Tim, in listing his wants, said, "I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single." That's how our wants seem to go — some cosmic and grand; others personal and, well, tiny.

In the process of decision-making and organization, putting it all down in writing is known as a "data dump." Dump all the data onto cards, and the only sorting to be concerned about now is whether something is a WANT, a QUALITY and ABILITY, or a LIMITATION.

In writing all this down, remember that you're not committing to any of it. You'll have the opportunity to do that in a later chapter. For the purposes of this chapter, everything is just a "good idea."

And don't forget to have fun. Yes, it's your life you're looking at, and what you'll be doing with it, but that doesn't mean you have to be too serious. What we do to fill the time between our first cry and our last sigh is all a game, anyway. Treat this list with the same gravity you'd spend deciding what to do next Saturday afternoon. Shall we play football, baseball or stage a ballet?

Spend some time now and fill out the cards. If you "run out," close your eyes and return to the sanctuary. Ask the Master Teacher for suggestions. Take your time with this process. Get all your WANTS, QUALITIES and ABILITIES, and LIMITATIONS on cards. Spend at least an hour doing this, although you may choose to take longer.

Do it till it's done, and return to this place in the book when your piles (or lists) are complete.

Excellent. Congratulations.

Now go through the cards (or list) you made during the earlier process What Is Your Purpose? Write your purpose on a card and place it where you can easily see it. Does this remind you of other WANTS, QUALITIES and ABILITIES or LIMITATIONS? When you discovered your purpose, you made a list of qualities about yourself, and also actions you enjoyed. These can be added to the QUALITIES and ABILITIES or WANTS piles.

Now, look at the earlier listing of all the things you already have for which you are grateful. Those things you want to include in your future, add them to your WANTS list. Yes, you already have them, but maintaining them will probably take some time.

Almost everything — except perhaps that rock you brought back from Yosemite — requires some maintenance. To maintain what you currently have must be considered a goal for the future. So, add "Maintain house," "Maintain car," "Maintain relationship with                   ," etc. to your pile of WANTS. If any ABILITIES and QUALITIES or LIMITATIONS arise while adding these wants, make cards for them, too.

Let's turn to the WANT pile. Sort each want into one of five categories: Marriage/Family, Career/Professional, Social/Political, Religious/Spiritual, and Recreation/Fun.

We are making the assumption that everyone will want some recreation and/or fun in their lives regardless of which area of life they choose to primarily pursue. It seems to us that even the most serious devotee of a given path will want some recreation — in the sense of re-creation. So we're making this a parallel category, one that can complement whatever major life area you choose to pursue.

In choosing the category (Marriage/Family, Career/Professional, Social/Political, Religious/Spiritual, Recreation/Fun) in which to put each WANT, remember, "to thine own self be true." There may be an obvious category, but your personal motivation may make it part of another category.

If one of your WANTS is, say, "Become a minister," is that because you want to be closer to God (Religious/Spiritual), you feel it would be a good platform from which to make social change (Social/Political), you think it would be a rewarding occupation (Career/Professional), or you want to intensify your relationship with someone who has a decided fondness for persons of the cloth (Marriage/Family)?

We must look closely at our motivations. As Madonna explained, "Losing my virginity was a career move."

You could, for example, put "Get married" under Career/Professional because everyone in the career you intend to pursue is properly espoused. Or, perhaps you're doing it for Religious/Spiritual reasons, following the dictate of Paul when he wrote, "It is better to marry than to burn." (I Corinthians, 7:9) You could be getting married for primarily societal reasons: "Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty-one," said Brigham Young, "is a menace to the community." Or, you might want to get married just because you want to get married (Marriage/Family).

There will be overlapping, of course, but put each WANT card in the category that most fits your motivation.

That done, review each of the Marriage/Family, Career/Professional, Social/Political, and Religious/Spiritual categories. (We'll look at Recreation/Fun a little later.)

Now, let's look ahead for the next, say, five years.

Take each category of wants separately, read them over, and then close your eyes. Imagine what your life would be like in the next five years if you had a goodly number of those wants. Explore both the good and the bad, the up side and the down. Be neither too romantic nor too cynical. Take a look at it "straight on."

Use all the elements of your sanctuary to explore your life in that category. You can use the People Mover to invite experts in the field and discuss the pros and cons; the Information Retrieval System to gather any facts or data you might find useful; the Video Screen to see yourself living that life; put on Ability Suits for each of the wants, and experience what that ability is like in the Ability Suit Practice Area; visit your Health Center and check on the health risks and advantages of each want; contemplate the category in your Sacred Room; and, of course, take your Master Teacher along with you throughout the whole process, discussing your reactions as you go.

And in all cases, ask yourself, "Would this life fulfill my purpose?"

After spending time in your sanctuary with each of the four main areas of life, ask yourself, "During the next five years, within which category does my heart's desire lie? During the next five years, which would give me the most satisfaction?"

If no answer is forthcoming, return with your Master Teacher to your sanctuary and explore. Is the choice between two? Examine them both, alternately. Which is most "on purpose"? Which category thrills your heart the most?

When you've chosen the category, go through all the wants within the category and select the one WANT you want the most. Again, use all the tools in the sanctuary to explore the pros and cons of each WANT, and choose the Big Want, the one thing you want most.

Why do we have you choose a category first, then a goal within that category? Usually, going for the Big Goal within a category automatically fulfills many of the smaller goals within that category — not all, of course, but many. If you pick the area of life first, you will, by pursuing a Big Dream within that area, have more of what you want in the area of life you choose.

You are, of course, free to choose a Big Dream outside the area of life you are most drawn to. We have found, however, that most people tend to be happier and more fulfilled by obtaining several goals within the area they prefer, rather than one big goal in an area they don't prefer as much. This is just an observation. Please make your choice of Big Dream yourself. Your Master Teacher will not steer you wrong.

One method of choosing between two Big Dreams that seem equally appealing is to make a list of all the pros and cons for each choice. In reading over these lists and comparing them, one usually takes the lead.

Is this it? Is this your dream? The Big Dream? If yes, read on. If no, continue choosing.

When you have chosen, then quantify your dream. That is, make it a goal with specific results so that you'll know when you've achieved it.

This can be tough. People like to keep their dreams vague. "I want a family," is easier to say than, "I want a spouse, two children and a rottweiler." As you can see, however, one is obtainable, one is not.

"I want a family" is not obtainable because the goal does not define what a family is. You could have a family of mice in your kitchen and your goal is fulfilled. "That's not what I mean." You could have 18 children and still not reach the goal, because some families have 19 children. "That's not what I mean, either."

What do you mean?

Put something countable, something quantifiable in your goal so that you'll know when you've obtained it. You are not stuck with this goal forever and ever. When you reach it, you can make it bigger. For now, however, it's important to know what your goal is, and be able to tell when you've reached it. And remember: you haven't committed to anything yet.

Here is where money often comes in. Although money is not a great goal by itself, as an indicator of whether or not you've obtained a goal, it can be excellent. As the people who understand money say, "Money is just a way of keeping score."

Rather than, "I want to be a singer," say "I want to be a singer making $50,000 (or $100,000, or $1,000,000) per year singing." Make the goal big enough to be a dream (if you're already making $40,000 at something, $42,000 is hardly a Big Dream), but small enough to be at least partially believable (if you're making nothing at something, jumping to $100,000,000 per year might be a bit too much for any part of you to believe).

Some goals are quantifiable by time. "I want to spend six months per year traveling." Others by amount. "I want to weigh 150 pounds." Others by degrees or recognition. "I want my Chiropractic certification."

In setting a goal, it's fun to remember the movie Bedazzled. In a reworking of Faust, Peter Cook plays the devil, and Dudley Moore — a short-order cook — sells his soul to be with the waitress who is indifferent to him. The devil catches the cook in one loophole after another. Moore wants to be married to his beloved, live in the country and be rich. He gets his wish. However, she is in love with someone else. He asks for another chance. This time he wants to live in the country and have his beloved in love with him, too. The devil finds a loophole and makes them both nuns in a convent. And on it goes.

Be careful of the loopholes. If in doubt, add, "...for the highest good," to the end of your goal.

Write down your goal, your Big Dream.

Now, for a slight aside. Do you know how many minutes there are in a week? 10,080. That's 168 hours. That's your wealth in time. What you spend it on is your choice. No matter what you spend it on, however, you never get more than 10,080 minutes (168 hours) per week.

On a clean sheet of paper, or a new set of cards, write "168 Hours" at the top. Now, let's plan the next year.

Let's start with the basics. How many hours do you sleep each night? Multiply that times seven, and subtract that total from the week. If you sleep eight hours per night, eight hours times seven days is 56 hours per week of sleep.

Subtract that from 168, and you have 112 hours remaining in the week.

Now, how many hours do you spend bathing, shaving, making up, dressing and other ablutions? One hour? Multiply that times seven and subtract from 112. That gives us 105 hours.

And now, eating. An hour a day? More? Less? Consider an average week and see how much time you spend preparing, consuming and cleaning up after eating. Let's say it's an hour per day, or seven hours per week. That's seven from 105, which leaves us with 98 hours.

What about other necessary personal tasks? (Include things only if you actually do them on a consistent basis.) Cleaning (including car and laundry)? Shopping (including groceries)? Working out? Medical appointments or activities? Church? Meditation? And so on. Calculate how much time you spend per week on these (don't forget transportation to and from each), and subtract that from your total.

Let's say all that came to 18 hours per week. That leaves you with 80 hours per week. Half the week spent maintaining the basics — and thus far we haven't even considered work!

We are, by the way, smack dab in the middle of something most people have a very difficult time facing: time. Yes, it's easy to accept the concept that there's "only so much time to go around," but, when faced with the reality — and the limitation — of time in one's own life, that's tough.

It is, however, precisely what we're asking you to do. We know that the comfort zone puts on a full-scale extravaganza about this point, but, please, stick with it. It may be uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as looking back on this coming year, after it has past, and saying, "I really meant to do that, but, where did the time go?"

Now, go through the cards that list the things you already have and would like to maintain. Calculate how much time it would take each week to maintain each of them. Write that figure on the card. Do it for what you already have in all categories, but keep the cards within each category (the Marriage/Family cards in the Marriage/Family pile, etc.).

Some things may have zero maintenance (that rock from Yosemite). Others may have quite a lot (children, spouse, careers, major projects). Remember, these are the things you already have.

Don't forget to include those things that must be paid for to be maintained — mortgage or rental, car payments, etc. For those, calculate the number of hours you must work per week, at your current level of income, to pay for them. For example, if you make $10 per hour, and your car payment, gas and maintenance is $320 per month, that's $80 per week, or eight hours per week to keep the car.

Now the truly tough choices begin.

After all these hours are calculated, go through the cards of what you have and want to maintain, and compare each with the Big Dream you selected. For each item, ask yourself, "Which is more important?"

If what you want to maintain is more important, put that in one pile. Subtract the number of hours it takes to maintain this from the remaining hours in the week. If the Big Dream is more important, put the card of what you want to maintain back in the category pile it originally came from. For the Recreation/Fun category, you can set aside so many hours per week for various activities within the entire category. Subtract that from the hours remaining in the week.

Confused? Don't be surprised. These are difficult choices, and confusion, anger, fear, guilt, unworthiness, hurt feelings, discouragement and all the other denizens of the comfort zone form a marching band when difficult choices present themselves. "You don't have to make these," they counsel, "They will make themselves," or "You need more information," or "Let's take a drive and come back later."

We suggest, however, that you press on. Close your eyes. Get solace and encouragement from your Master Teacher.

Now calculate the cost for basic necessities (food, shelter, video rentals) not covered by the things that you already have that you want to keep. How many hours each week will it take to make that much money? Subtract that from your total.

How many hours do you have left? Is this enough to fulfill your Big Dream? If you don't have at least fourteen hours per week — two hours per day — to spend on your Big Dream, that may not be enough. If your dream can really come true with less investment of time, it might be a rather small Big Dream.

Of course, you can set aside more than fourteen hours for your Big Dream. The more time you spend, the more quickly your Dream will come true.

Now comes the fun part. Take your Big Dream, and see how many WANTS would automatically (or almost automatically) be fulfilled by achieving the Big Dream. For example, if your Big Dream was to become a movie star, the smaller wants of "Live in Los Angeles," "Be famous," "Make $1,000,000," and "Meet Brooke Shields," would naturally follow. That is, in fulfilling the Big Dream, the smaller dreams would almost effortlessly come to pass.

It's OK to go into any of the piles and pull out dreams that fit within the Big Dream. Be honest, now. With enough bending and twisting, almost anything can fit behind a big enough dream. "I want to be an airline pilot, so watching every movie that comes out will better help me tell the passengers what the movie is about on board the plane," or "I want to write a novel about being rich, so I think I'll take all my money and buy a Rolls Royce so I can get in the mood." Things like that.

Now, back to the tough part. Eliminate all wants that are in direct opposition to your Big Dream. "Live in New York City" and "Experience the joys of small town life" do not belong in the same dream. One of them must go.

Be ruthless on this one. "Oh, I can stay in Kansas and become a movie star." Uh-huh.

Please remember that simultaneously pursuing Big Dreams from two different categories is difficult. If, for example, your main area of activity is not Marriage/Family, please keep this in mind: if the romantic relationship you may seek in addition to your Big Dream does not provide you with more time to pursue your dream, either your Big Dream, or the relationship, will suffer. Usually both. We don't like this harsh reality any more than you do. It seems, however, to be the way it is.

If you still have time in your week (which is doubtful), you can add other wants to your week providing they are not in opposition to your Big Dream. The smart thing is to choose additional goals that somehow support or enhance the Big Dream — but as soon as you run out of hours, stop. That's it.

You can now combine the piles of The Big Dream And All That Comes With It and the pile of things already in your life you chose to maintain. Review your choices. Behold: your next year (and probably beyond).

Write at the top of each card in the new pile the following: "I am going to..." No longer are these things mere wants. They are directions, intentions, inevitabilities.

Of those remaining WANTS not in the / am going to... pile — hold onto them. We'll get to them in the next chapter.

For now, review the LIMITATIONS pile. For each limitation, ask yourself how you can turn it into an advantage. How can it become an ally in fulfilling your Big Dream? We've already looked at fear becoming the energy to do your best in a new situation, guilt as the energy for personal change, unworthiness as a way of keeping on track, hurt feelings as a way of remembering the caring, anger as the energy for change, and discouragement as a reminder of our courage.

See if you can find a positive use for everything on your list. Impatience? Be impatient for success. Stubborn? Let it become determination. Big ego? Put it behind your goal. Laziness? Become lazy about doing the things not on the way to fulfilling your Dream. And so on.

Write the positive attribute for each former limitation in larger letters on the same card. Any time you feel this limitation coming on, you can return to the card and see what the positive use for that former limitation might be. Remember: it's all your energy. Align it toward your goal.

Be creative with this. If there are any limitations that seemingly can't be turned into assets, set them aside for now.

Turn now to the QUALITIES and ABILITIES pile. Review each quality and ability. Imagine how each quality and ability can be used to fulfill your Big Dream.

Look again at the LIMITATIONS for which you have not yet seen a positive use. What QUALITIES and ABILITIES would best help in overcoming each limitation? Let the qualities and abilities gang up — might as well let their deck be stacked in your favor; it is, after all, your deck.

Review again the cards in the / am going to... pile — your Big Dream and its friends. Compare each dream in that pile with your purpose. See how each fulfills that purpose perfectly.

Close your eyes, find yourself in your sanctuary, thank your Master Teacher, watch the Master Teacher disappear into the white light of the People Mover. As you turn to go, you notice a new writing on the wall of your sanctuary — your Big Dream. Except here it's not written "I am going to..." as it is on your cards.

Here it states your Big Dream, and it is simply prefaced with, "I am..."

Read it, enjoy it, become it. Move to the white light of your entryway. Bathe in it, breathe it in. Leave your sanctuary, and return to make your Dream come true.

Completion

By this time you should be feeling decidedly bittersweet. Yes, you've discovered and chosen your Big Dream, your Heart's Desire. What? No cheering? No celebration?

Not quite yet.

Lying "in the ruins" are all those other heart's desires — all those deserted little 3x5 cards. The reminders of the dreams that won't immediately — and might never — come true.

Sigh.

Welcome to success.

Remember that the sadness you feel is a reminder of your caring, and the caring is your caring — available to place behind the Big Dream you have chosen to pursue.

It is important to complete each WANT that you will not — for now — be pursuing. "Complete" doesn't mean do it; complete means declaring it done. "Complete" doesn't mean to physically finish; "complete" means you are complete with it — that you have completed all you're going to do about it, for now.

The down side is that you must say goodbye to a dream — maybe for good. (Whenever we say goodbye, we never really know for how long it's going to be.)

The up side is that declaring things complete frees all the mental, emotional and physical energy we've been holding in reserve for the achievement of that goal.

This can be a significant amount of energy.

For each WANT that didn't make the "I am going to..." list, and for each thing you currently have that you chose not to maintain, read it, consider it, and say, out loud, "This is complete for now." Say goodbye to it, and place it face down. Pick up another and repeat the process.

Take your time with this. You may feel the sadness, or you may feel the freeing of energy. You may cry and laugh at the same time. Always have your Big Dream clearly in mind, so that you can direct the newly freed energy toward it.

With the freeing of the energy, you may feel that, after all, you can achieve this dream, too. You'll just sleep less at night, or something. This is the newly freed energy (or perhaps the comfort zone) talking. Stick to your plan. Declare it complete. Direct the energy toward the Big Dream and move on.

If the dreams you are completing involve other people, let them know you will not be doing anything more about these dreams. This is only fair. The most important person to tell, however, is yourself. This, too, is only fair.

Sometimes the "extra energy" is stored in material value. If you choose not to maintain certain physical possessions, sell them. Or, donate them. Use that good will toward your Dream. Don't wait for the things you're not maintaining to rot. Cash them in. Convert them into energy and channel that energy toward your Dream.

The amount of power freed by telling yourself you no longer choose to put energy into something can be remarkable. Be prepared for extra energy. Be prepared, as well, to channel that newly liberated energy toward your Dream.

The way to begin that is through commitment.

Committing to Your Dream

Perhaps you've noticed that we haven't yet asked you to commit to your Dream. This is because, when we commit to something, and we really mean it, the manure hits the fan and the fan is running.

Before asking you to commit, we wanted you to understand this process, and offer some suggestions on how to use the manure as fertilizer rather than pollution.

Most people don't know much about this process, because most people don't keep most of their agreements.

Most people add a silent, unconscious modifying phrase to all their commitments: "...as long as it's not uncomfortable."

What most people don't realize is that discomfort is one of the values of commitments, one of the reasons for making a commitment in the first place.

Within us is an automatic goal-fulfillment mechanism. When we commit to something, we are telling the goal-fulfillment mechanism, "I want this." The goal-fulfillment mechanism says, "Fine. I'll arrange for that." And it does. Among the things it uses — individually or collectively — are:

· It looks to see what the lessons are we must learn in order to have our goal; then it arranges for those lessons. Sometimes, these lessons come in pleasant ways (we notice an article on what we need to know in a magazine; a conversation with a friend reveals something to us; a song on the radio has a line that tells us something important). At other times, the lessons are unpleasant (someone we must listen to — a boss, for example — tells us "in no uncertain terms" what we need to know; or we get sick, and the doctor tells us what we need to do "or else").

· The goal-fulfillment mechanism sees what is in the way of our having what we want, and removes it. Again, sometimes this can be pleasant (if the goal is a new car, someone offers us a great price for our old car), or unpleasant (our car is stolen, totaled or breaks down altogether).

In order to have something new, our comfort zone must be expanded to include that new thing. The bigger the new thing, the greater the comfort zone must expand. And comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.

When people don't understand that being uncomfortable is part of the process, they use the discomfort as a reason not to do. Then they don't get what they want. We must learn to tolerate discomfort in order to grow.

This process of growth is known as "grist for the mill." When making flour in an old stone mill, it is necessary to add gravel to the wheat before grinding it. This gravel is known as grist. The small stones that make up the grist rub against the grain as the mill wheel passes over them. The friction causes the wheat to be ground into a fine powder. If it wasn't for the grist, the wheat would only be crushed. To grind wheat fine enough for flour requires grist. After the grinding, the grist is sifted out, and only the flour remains.

When we commit to something, the automatic goal-fulfillment mechanism throws grist in our mill. It's all designed to give us our goal.

If we don't understand the process, however, we protest, "Why are you throwing gravel in with my wheat? Stop that!" The dutiful miller uses no grist, and we wind up with crushed wheat. "This isn't what I wanted. I wanted flour."

When we order flour, we must be prepared for grist in our mill. One must become an "eager learner." Whatever comes along, look for the lesson. Assume it's for your good, no matter how bad it seems.

No, there's no need to run out and invite disaster, just as one doesn't have to bring gravel to the mill. The necessary experiences will take place. Our job is not to seek them, but to learn from the ones that are presented to us.

Maxwell Maltz explains the process this way: "Your automatic creative mechanism operates in terms of goals and end results. Once you give it a definite goal to achieve, you can depend on its automatic guidance system to take you to that goal much better than You' ever could by conscious thought. You' supply the goal by thinking in terms of end results. Your automatic mechanism then supplies the means whereby."

How do we know when there's grist in our mill? When we feel the comfort zone acting up, there's grist in the mill. If we discard the grist (that is, honor the comfort zone's dictates), we have crushed wheat. If we use the grist to learn the lesson at hand (that is, continue on our committed course despite the protestations of the comfort zone), we have the bouquet of flour.

Keeping agreements with others is, of course, an excellent method for getting what we want from them. If we keep our agreements, people learn to trust us. If we break our agreements, they don't. It's hard to imagine people giving something of substance to someone they don't trust.

Although people may say, "Oh, that's all right," when we make our apologies, it is seldom truly all right with people. "Unfaithfulness in keeping an appointment is an act of clear dishonesty," Horace Mann explained 150 years ago. 'You may as well borrow a person's money as his time."

Although keeping agreements is a good technique for building trust with others, the real reason for keeping agreements is for building trust with ourselves.

If we frequently break agreements — either with another or with ourselves — we have trained ourselves to ignore our own word. So, committing to something means nothing. Committing, then, to a Big Dream is about as significant as saying we will learn to fly — sounds nice, it would be fun, but it's not going to happen.

Committing to a dream is not a one-time occurrence. It must be done daily, hourly, continually. We must choose to commit to our choice, over and over.

The test of this commitment is action. If we say, "I commit to being a great dancer," and then don't practice, that's not a commitment; that's just talk. Conversely, if we're practicing dance, we don't need to tell ourselves how committed we are. Our action is our demonstrated commitment.

When we commit and act, we are confronted by the comfort zone. The temptation is to stop. If we move ahead anyway — we expand the comfort zone, learn a necessary lesson, and the commitment becomes stronger. That causes us to come up against the comfort zone again, and the process continues.

Here are some suggestions for making and keeping commitments:

1. Don't make commitments you don't plan to keep. Some people are so casual about making agreements: 'Talk to you tomorrow," "Let's get to gether next week," and, one of our favorites, "I'll have him call you back." You will? What if he doesn't want to talk to us?

Most people like to pretend that these "casual" commitments don't count. That's not true. Every time we give our word, it counts. For the most part, most people give it entirely too often. Our word is a precious commodity and should be treated as such.

Imagine a commitment as a precious jewel. When you give it to someone, he has the jewel. When you keep the commitment, the jewel is returned to you. If you fail to keep the agreement, however, the jewel is gone forever. (This is true of agreements with yourself as well.)

If we hold this jewel image each time we give our word, we tend to be more careful. This image is not a metaphor, it is a reality. Our word is a precious jewel, and each time we give it, we risk losing it. Don't take that risk unless you plan to "cover your assets."

2. Learn to say no. When we commit to a Dream, one of the great tests of our sincerity is whether we say no to things not on the way to that Dream. If we commit to moving to another city, for example, temptations from the city we have not yet left appear: we're given a raise and a promotion; we hear about a larger, better, less-expensive apartment; a 24-hour gourmet restaurant (that delivers) opens; and we meet Someone Wonderful.

If we're really committed to moving, to all of this we must say, "No." Talk about the comfort zone acting up! Wait until Someone Wonderful calls and invites you out (or, worse, in) on the same evening you planned to go over the street maps of the city you plan to move to. Ouch.

Beyond this, we are programmed to feel uncomfortable saying no to people we know. We are also programmed to automatically "no" all strangers. This dual programming makes for a small circle of friends with whom we do things we don't necessarily like. To pursue a Big Dream, we must learn to say no to both programmings.

3. Make conditional agreements. Doctors learn to say, "I'll be there, unless I get a call from the hospital." You can, too. If there is potentially something more important than the agreement you are about to make, let the other person know. "I'd love to have lunch, unless I get a call-back on my audition," "I can make it, unless Greenpeace calls," or 'Yes, I'll do it, if I can find a sitter for the kids." Do not, however, use this as a substitute for saying no. That turns your Big Dream into a Big Excuse and robs it of some of its power. Use the condition only with agreements you want to — and plan to — keep.

4. Keep the commitments you make. As an exercise, practice keeping all agreements you make — no matter how difficult, no matter how costly. This will do two things: first, it will build strength, character and inner trust. Secondly, it will get you to reread suggestions #1, #2, and #3 and follow them more carefully.

5. Write commitments down. Keep a calendar of some kind and write agreements down — including agreements you make with yourself. Don't just say, "I'm exercising tomorrow morning," write it down. Make it as important as an agreement with another.

You might want to write on a sheet of paper, "All agreements with myself shall be in writing. Everything else is just a good idea." Then place the paper somewhere you can read it — often. Eventually, there will be a difference between commitments you make with yourself and those things that would be nice, would be useful, but are not going to happen.

6. Renegotiate at the earliest opportunity. As soon as a possible conflict arises, contact the person with whom you have an agreement. Unless the original agreement was conditional, however, the way in which you renegotiate an agreement is important.

"Something more important than my agreement with you has come up," is not the best way. It's a form of breaking the agreement, just in advance. "I know I have an agreement with you, and I still plan to keep it, but something important has come up, and I wonder if we might be able to reschedule." That asks permission. If granted, you get a second chance at reclaiming your jewel. If not granted, see #4.

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And now you are ready to commit to your goal — your Dream.

It's important to commit to the fulfillment of the goal, not just to a certain amount of time spent pursuing the goal. Some people's commitments sound like this: "I'll spend two years pursuing this goal, and see what happens."

When we commit to pursuing, our goal is then pursuing, and we will pursue. We won't get what we're pursuing, because getting it is not our goal—pursuing it is.

It is fine, however, to add a time statement to your dream. When selecting a dream and making it a goal in the earlier chapter, we projected ahead five years, and then one year. You can make this any period of time you want. "I will achieve this goal within two years."

This makes it a bigger challenge, of course. We will know precisely when we have won, because we put specific parameters on the goal (so much money, a certain credential, etc.) Adding time to our goal lets us know precisely when we have failed, too.

This is important. To say we want something by a certain date shows us what we must do today, right now, to make that happen. It gets us going. If we don't achieve it, it gives us a chance to look back, see what must be done differently in the future, correct our course, recommit, and continue on.

So, add a time to your dream, and, if you so choose, commit.

The time to commit is now.

And now.

And now.

And now.

And now.

And now.

And now...

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