Augustus Gloop Goes up the Pipe

 

When Mr Wonka turned round and saw what Augustus Gloop was doing, he cried out, 'Oh,

no! Please, Augustus, please! I beg of you not to do that. My chocolate must be untouched

by human hands! '

'Augustus! ' called out Mrs Gloop. 'Didn't you hear what the man said? Come away from that river at once! '

'This stuff is fabulous! ' said Augustus, taking not the slightest notice of his mother or Mr Wonka. 'Gosh, I need a bucket to drink it properly! '

'Augustus, ' cried Mr Wonka, hopping up and down and waggling his stick in the air, 'you must come away. You are dirtying my chocolate! '

'Augustus! ' cried Mrs Gloop. 'Augustus! ' cried Mr Gloop.

But Augustus was deaf to everything except the call of his enormous stomach. He was now lying full length on the ground with his head far out over the river, lapping up the chocolate like a dog.

'Augustus! ' shouted Mrs Gloop. 'You'll be giving that nasty cold of yours to about a million people all over the country! '

'Be careful, Augustus! ' shouted Mr Gloop. 'You're leaning too far out! '

Mr Gloop was absolutely right. For suddenly there was a shriek, and then a splash, and into the river went Augustus Gloop, and in one second he had disappeared under the brown surface.

'Save him! ' screamed Mrs Gloop, going white in the face, and waving her umbrella about. 'He'll drown! He can't swim a yard! Save him! Save him! '

'Good heavens, woman, ' said Mr Gloop, 'I'm not diving in there! I've got my best suit on! '

Augustus Gloop's face came up again to the surface, painted brown with chocolate. 'Help! Help! Help! ' he yelled. 'Fish me out! '

'Don't just stand there! ' Mrs Gloop screamed at Mr Gloop. 'Do something! '

'I am doing something! ' said Mr Gloop, who was now taking off his jacket and getting ready to dive into the chocolate. But while he was doing this, the wretched boy was being sucked closer and closer towards the mouth of one of the great pipes that was dangling down into the river. Then all at once, the powerful suction took hold of him completely, and he was pulled under the surface and then into the mouth of the pipe.

The crowd on the riverbank waited breathlessly to see where he would come out. 'There he goes! ' somebody shouted, pointing upwards.

And sure enough, because the pipe was made of glass, Augustus Gloop could be clearly seen shooting up inside it, head first, like a torpedo.

'Help! Murder! Police! ' screamed Mrs Gloop. 'Augustus, come back at once! Where are you going? '

'It's a wonder to me, ' said Mr Gloop, 'how that pipe is big enough for him to go through it.'

'It isn't big enough! ' said Charlie Bucket. 'Oh dear, look! He's slowing down! '

'So he is! ' said Grandpa Joe.

'He's going to stick! ' said Charlie.

'I think he is! ' said Grandpa Joe.

'By golly, he has stuck! ' said Charlie.

'It's his stomach that's done it! ' said Mr Gloop.

'He's blocked the whole pipe! ' said Grandpa Joe.

'Smash the pipe! ' yelled Mrs Gloop, still waving her umbrella. 'Augustus, come out of there at once! '

The watchers below could see the chocolate swishing around the boy in the pipe, and they could see it building up behind him in a solid mass, pushing against the blockage. The pressure was terrific. Something had to give. Something did give, and that something was Augustus. WHOOF! Up he shot again like a bullet in the barrel of a gun.

'He's disappeared! ' yelled Mrs Gloop. 'Where does that pipe go to? Quick! Call the fire brigade! '

'Keep calm! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'Keep calm, my dear lady, keep calm. There is no danger! No danger whatsoever! Augustus has gone on a little journey, that's all. A most interesting little journey. But he'll come out of it just fine, you wait and see.'

'How can he possibly come out just fine! ' snapped Mrs Gloop. 'He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds! '

'Impossible! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'Unthinkable! Inconceivable! Absurd! He could never be made into marshmallows! '

'And why not, may I ask? ' shouted Mrs Gloop.

'Because that pipe doesn't go anywhere near it! That pipe — the one Augustus went up — happens to lead directly to the room where I make a most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge …'

'Then he'll be made into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge! ' screamed Mrs Gloop. 'My poor Augustus! They'll be selling him by the pound all over the country tomorrow morning! '

'Quite right, ' said Mr Gloop.

'I know I'm right, ' said Mrs Gloop.

'It's beyond a joke, ' said Mr Gloop.

'Mr Wonka doesn't seem to think so! ' cried Mrs Gloop. 'Just look at him! He's laughing his head off! How dare you laugh like that when my boy's just gone up the pipe! You monster! ' she shrieked, pointing her umbrella at Mr Wonka as though she were going to run him through. 'You think it's a joke, do you? You think that sucking my boy up into your Fudge Room like that is just one great big colossal joke? '

'He'll be perfectly safe, ' said Mr Wonka, giggling slightly.

'He'll be chocolate fudge! ' shrieked Mrs Gloop.

'Never! ' cried Mr Wonka.

'Of course he will! ' shrieked Mrs Gloop.

'I wouldn't allow it! ' cried Mr Wonka.

'And why not? ' shrieked Mrs Gloop.

'Because the taste would be terrible, ' said Mr Wonka. 'Just imagine it! Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop! No one would buy it.'

'They most certainly would! ' cried Mr Gloop indignantly. 'I don't want to think about it! ' shrieked Mrs Gloop.

'Nor do I, ' said Mr Wonka. 'And I do promise you, madam, that your darling boy is perfectly safe.'

'If he's perfectly safe, then where is he? ' snapped Mrs Gloop. 'Lead me to him this instant! '

Mr Wonka turned around and clicked his fingers sharply, click, click, click, three times. Immediately, an Oompa-Loompa appeared, as if from nowhere, and stood beside him.

The Oompa-Loompa bowed and smiled, showing beautiful white teeth. His skin was rosy-white, his long hair was golden-brown, and the top of his head came just above the height of Mr Wonka's knee. He wore the usual deerskin slung over his shoulder.

'Now listen to me! ' said Mr Wonka, looking down at the tiny man. 'I want you to take Mr and Mrs Gloop up to the Fudge Room and help them to find their son, Augustus. He's just gone up the pipe.'

The Oompa-Loompa took one look at Mrs Gloop and exploded into peals of laughter.

'Oh, do be quiet! ' said Mr Wonka. 'Control yourself! Pull yourself together! Mrs Gloop doesn't think it's at all funny! '

'You can say that again! ' said Mrs Gloop.

'Go straight to the Fudge Room, ' Mr Wonka said to the Oompa-Loompa, 'and when you get there, take a long stick and start poking around inside the big chocolate-mixing barrel. I'm almost certain you'll find him in there. But you'd better look sharp! You'll have to hurry! If you leave him in the chocolate-mixing barrel too long, he's liable to get poured out into the fudge boiler, and that really would be a disaster, wouldn't it? My fudge would become quite uneatable! '

Mrs Gloop let out a shriek of fury.

'I'm joking, ' said Mr Wonka, giggling madly behind his beard. 'I didn't mean it. Forgive me. I'm so sorry. Good-bye, Mrs Gloop! And Mr Gloop! Good-bye! I'll see you later …'

As Mr and Mrs Gloop and their tiny escort hurried away, the five Oompa-Loompas on the far side of the river suddenly began hopping and dancing about and beating wildly upon a number of very small drums. 'Augustus Gloop! ' they chanted. 'Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! '

'Grandpa! ' cried Charlie. 'Listen to them, Grandpa! What are they doing? '

'Ssshh! ' whispered Grandpa Joe. 'I think they're going to sing us a song! '

'Augustus Gloop! ' chanted the Oompa-Loompas.

 

'Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!

The great big greedy nincompoop!

How long could we allow this beast

To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast

On everything he wanted to?

Great Scott! It simply wouldn't do!

However long this pig might live,

We're positive he'd never give

Even the smallest bit of fun

Or happiness to anyone.

So what we do in cases such

As this, we use the gentle touch,

And carefully we take the brat

And turn him into something that

Will give great pleasure to us all —

A doll, for instance, or a ball,

Or marbles or a rocking horse.

But this revolting boy, of course,

Was so unutterably vile,

So greedy, foul, and infantile,

He left a most disgusting taste

Inside our mouths, and so in haste

We chose a thing that, come what may,

Would take the nasty taste away.

" Come on! " we cried. " The time is ripe

To send him shooting up the pipe!

He has to go! It has to be! "

And very soon, he's going to see

Inside the room to which he's gone

Some funny things are going on.

But don't, dear children, be alarmed;

Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,

Although, of course, we must admit

He will be altered quite a bit.

He'll be quite changed from what he's been,

When he goes through the fudge machine:

Slowly, the wheels go round and round,

The cogs begin to grind and pound;

A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;

We add some sugar, cream, and spice;

We boil him for a minute more,

Until we're absolutely sure

That all the greed and all the gall

Is boiled away for once and all.

Then out he comes! And now! By grace!

A miracle has taken place!

This boy, who only just before

Was loathed by men from shore to shore,

This greedy brute, this louse's ear,

Is loved by people everywhere!

For who could hate or bear a grudge

Against a luscious bit of fudge? '

 

'I told you they loved singing! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'Aren't they delightful? Aren't they charming? But you mustn't believe a word they said. It's all nonsense, every bit of it! '

'Are the Oompa-Loompas really joking, Grandpa? ' asked Charlie.

'Of course they're joking, ' answered Grandpa Joe. 'They must be joking. At least, I hope they're joking. Don't you? '

 

18

Down the Chocolate River

 

'Off we go! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'Hurry up, everybody! Follow me to the next room! And

please don't worry about Augustus Gloop. He's bound to come out in the wash. They

always do. We shall have to make the next part of the journey by boat! Here she comes!

Look! '

A steamy mist was rising up now from the great warm chocolate river, and out of the mist there appeared suddenly a most fantastic pink boat. It was a large open row boat with a tall front and a tall back (like a Viking boat of old), and it was of such a shining sparkling glistening pink colour that the whole thing looked as though it were made of bright, pink glass. There were many oars on either side of it, and as the boat came closer, the watchers on the riverbank could see that the oars were being pulled by masses of Oompa-Loompas — at least ten of them to each oar.

'This is my private yacht! ' cried Mr Wonka, beaming with pleasure. 'I made her by hollowing out an enormous boiled sweet! Isn't she beautiful! See how she comes cutting through the river! '

The gleaming pink boiled-sweet boat glided up to the riverbank. One hundred Oompa-Loompas rested on their oars and stared up at the visitors. Then suddenly, for some reason best known to themselves, they all burst into shrieks of laughter.

'What's so funny? ' asked Violet Beauregarde.

'Oh, don't worry about them! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'They're always laughing! They think everything's a colossal joke! Jump into the boat, all of you! Come on! Hurry up! '

As soon as everyone was safely in, the Oompa-Loompas pushed the boat away from the bank and began to row swiftly downriver.

'Hey, there! Mike Teavee! ' shouted Mr Wonka. 'Please do not lick the boat with your tongue! It'll only make it sticky! '

'Daddy, ' said Veruca Salt, 'I want a boat like this! I want you to buy me a big pink boiled-sweet boat exactly like Mr Wonka's! And I want lots of Oompa-Loompas to row me about, and I want a chocolate river and I want … I want …'

'She wants a good kick in the pants, ' whispered Grandpa Joe to Charlie. The old man was sitting in the back of the boat and little Charlie Bucket was right beside him. Charlie was holding tightly on to his grandfather's bony old hand. He was in a whirl of excitement. Everything that he had seen so far — the great chocolate river, the waterfall, the huge sucking pipes, the minty sugar meadows, the Oompa-Loompas, the beautiful pink boat, and most of all, Mr Willy Wonka himself — had been so astonishing that he began to wonder whether there could possibly be any more astonishments left. Where were they going now? What were they going to see? And what in the world was going to happen in the next room?

'Isn't it marvellous? ' said Grandpa Joe, grinning at Charlie. Charlie nodded and smiled up at the old man.

Suddenly, Mr Wonka, who was sitting on Charlie's other side, reached down into the bottom of the boat, picked up a large mug, dipped it into the river, filled it with chocolate, and handed it to Charlie. 'Drink this, ' he said. 'It'll do you good! You look starved to death! '

Then Mr Wonka filled a second mug and gave it to Grandpa Joe. 'You, too, ' he said. 'You look like a skeleton! What's the matter? Hasn't there been anything to eat in your house lately? '

'Not much, ' said Grandpa Joe.

Charlie put the mug to his lips, and as the rich warm creamy chocolate ran down his throat into his empty tummy, his whole body from head to toe began to tingle with pleasure, and a feeling of intense happiness spread over him.

'You like it? ' asked Mr Wonka.

'Oh, it's wonderful! ' Charlie said.

'The creamiest loveliest chocolate I've ever tasted! ' said Grandpa Joe, smacking his lips.

'That's because it's been mixed by waterfall, ' Mr Wonka told him.

The boat sped on down the river. The river was getting narrower. There was some kind of a dark tunnel ahead — a great round tunnel that looked like an enormous pipe — and the river was running right into the tunnel. And so was the b oat! 'Row on! ' shouted Mr Wonka, jumping up and waving his stick in the air. 'Full speed ahead! ' And with the Oompa-Loompas rowing faster than ever, the boat shot into the pitch-dark tunnel, and all the passengers screamed with excitement.

'How can they see where they're going? ' shrieked Violet Beauregarde in the darkness. 'There's no knowing where they're going! ' cried Mr Wonka, hooting with laughter.

 

'There's no earthly way of knowing

Which direction they are going!

There's no knowing where they're rowing,

Or which way the river's flowing!

Not a speck of light is showing,

So the danger must be growing,

For the rowers keep on rowing,

And they're certainly not showing

Any signs that they are slowing …'

 

'He's gone off his rocker! ' shouted one of the fathers, aghast, and the other parents joined in the chorus of frightened shouting. 'He's crazy! ' they shouted.

'He's balmy! ' 'He's nutty! ' 'He's screwy! ' 'He's batty! '

'He's dippy! '

'He's dotty! '

'He's daffy! '

'He's goofy! '

'He's beany! '

'He's buggy! '

'He's wacky! '

'He's loony! '

'No, he is not! ' said Grandpa Joe.

'Switch on the lights! ' shouted Mr Wonka. And suddenly, on came the lights and the whole tunnel was brilliantly lit up, and Charlie could see that they were indeed inside a gigantic pipe, and the great upward-curving walls of the pipe were pure white and spotlessly clean. The river of chocolate was flowing very fast inside the pipe, and the Oompa-Loompas were all rowing like mad, and the boat was rocketing along at a furious pace. Mr Wonka was jumping up and down in the back of the boat and calling to the rowers to row faster and faster still. He seemed to love the sensation of whizzing through a white tunnel in a pink boat on a chocolate river, and he clapped his hands and laughed and kept glancing at his passengers to see if they were enjoying it as much as he.

'Look, Grandpa! ' cried Charlie. 'There's a door in the wall! ' It was a green door and it was set into the wall of the tunnel just above the level of the river. As they flashed past it there was just enough time to read the writing on the door: STOREROOM NUMBER 54, it said. ALL THE CREAMS — DAIRY CREAM, WHIPPED CREAM, VIOLET CREAM, COFFEE CREAM, PINEAPPLE CREAM, VANILLA CREAM, AND HAIR CREAM.

'Hair cream? ' cried Mike Teavee. 'You don't use hair cream? '

'Row on! ' shouted Mr Wonka. 'There's no time to answer silly questions! '

They streaked past a black door. STOREROOM NUMBER 71,  it said on it. WHIPS — ALL SHAPES AND SIZES.

'Whips! ' cried Veruca Salt. 'What on earth do you use whips for? '

'For whipping cream, of course, ' said Mr Wonka. 'How can you whip cream without whips? Whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Just as a poached egg isn't a poached egg unless it's been stolen from the woods in the dead of night!

Row on, please! '

They passed a yellow door on which it said: STOREROOM NUMBER 77 — ALL THE BEANS, CACAO BEANS, COFFEE BEANS, JELLY BEANS, AND HAS BEANS.

'Has beans? ' cried Violet Beauregarde.

'You're one yourself! ' said Mr Wonka. 'There's no time for arguing! Press on, press on! ' But five seconds later, when a bright red door came into sight ahead, he suddenly waved his gold-topped cane in the air and shouted, 'Stop the boat! '

 

19

The Inventing Room —

 

Everlasting Gobstoppers and Hair Toffee

When Mr Wonka shouted 'Stop the boat! ' the Oompa-Loompas jammed their oars into the

river and backed water furiously. The boat stopped.

The Oompa-Loompas guided the boat alongside the red door. On the door it said, INVENTING ROOM — PRIVATE — KEEP OUT. Mr Wonka took a key from his pocket, leaned over the side of the boat, and put the key in the keyhole.

'This is the most important room in the entire factory! ' he said. 'All my most secret new inventions are cooking and simmering in here! Old Fickelgruber would give his front teeth to be allowed inside just for three minutes! So would Prodnose and Slugworth and all the other rotten chocolate makers! But now, listen to me! I want no messing about when you go in! No touching, no meddling, and no tasting! Is that agreed? '

'Yes, yes! ' the children cried. 'We won't touch a thing! '

'Up to now, ' Mr Wonka said, 'nobody else, not even an Oompa-Loompa, has ever been allowed in here! ' He opened the door and stepped out of the boat into the room. The four children and their parents all scrambled after him.

'Don't touch! ' shouted Mr Wonka. 'And don't knock anything over! '

Charlie Bucket stared around the gigantic room in which he now found himself. The place was like a witch's kitchen! All about him black metal pots were boiling and bubbling on huge stoves, and kettles were hissing and pans were sizzling, and strange iron machines were clanking and spluttering, and there were pipes running all over the ceiling and walls, and the whole place was filled with smoke and steam and delicious rich smells.

Mr Wonka himself had suddenly become even more excited than usual, and anyone could see that this was the room he loved best of all. He was hopping about among the saucepans and the machines like a child among his Christmas presents, not knowing which thing to look at first. He lifted the lid from a huge pot and took a sniff; then he rushed over and dipped a finger into a barrel of sticky yellow stuff and had a taste; then he skipped across to one of the machines and turned half a dozen knobs this way and that; then he peered anxiously through the glass door of a gigantic oven, rubbing his hands and cackling with delight at what he saw inside. Then he ran over to another machine, a small shiny affair that kept going phut-phut-phut-phut-phut, and every time it went phut, a large green marble dropped out of it into a basket on the floor. At least it looked like a marble.

'Everlasting Gobstoppers! ' cried Mr Wonka proudly. 'They're completely new! I am inventing them for children who are given very little pocket money. You can put an Everlasting Gob stopper in your mouth and you can suck it and suck it and suck it and suck it and it will never get any smaller! '

'It's like gum! ' cried Violet Beauregarde.

'It is not like gum, ' Mr Wonka said. 'Gum is for chewing, and if you tried chewing one of these Gobstoppers here you'd break your teeth off! And they never get any smaller! They never disappear! NEVER! At least I don't think they do. There's one of them being tested this very moment in the Testing Room next door. An Oompa-Loompa is sucking it. He's been sucking it for very nearly a year now without stopping, and it's still just as good as ever!

'Now, over here, ' Mr Wonka went on, skipping excitedly across the room to the opposite wall, 'over here I am inventing a completely new line in toffees! ' He stopped beside a large saucepan. The saucepan was full of a thick gooey purplish treacle, boiling and bubbling. By standing on his toes, little Charlie could just see inside it.

'That's Hair Toffee! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'You eat just one tiny bit of that, and in exactly half an hour a brand-new luscious thick silky beautiful crop of hair will start growing out all over the top of your head! And a moustache! And a beard! '

'A beard! ' cried Veruca Salt. 'Who wants a beard, for heaven's sake? '

'It would suit you very well, ' said Mr Wonka, 'but unfortunately the mixture is not quite right yet. I've got it too strong. It works too well. I tried it on an Oompa-Loompa yesterday in the Testing Room and immediately a huge black beard started shooting out of his chin, and the beard grew so fast that soon it was trailing all over the floor in a thick hairy carpet. It was growing faster than we could cut it! In the end we had to use a lawn mower to keep it in check! But I'll get the mixture right soon! And when I do, then there'll be no excuse any more for little boys and girls going about with bald heads! '

'But Mr Wonka, ' said Mike Teavee, 'little boys and girls never do go about with …'

'Don't argue, my dear child, please don't argue! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'It's such a waste of precious time! Now, over here, if you will all step this way, I will show you something that I am terrifically proud of. Oh, do be careful! Don't knock anything over! Stand back! '

 

20

The Great Gum Machine

 

Mr Wonka led the party over to a gigantic machine that stood in the very centre of the

Inventing Room. It was a mountain of gleaming metal that towered high above the children

and their parents. Out of the very top of it there sprouted hundreds and hundreds of thin

glass tubes, and the glass tubes all curled downwards and came together in a bunch and

hung suspended over an enormous round tub as big as a bath.

'Here we go! ' cried Mr Wonka, and he pressed three different buttons on the side of the machine. A second later, a mighty rumbling sound came from inside it, and the whole machine began to shake most frighteningly, and steam began hissing out of it all over, and then suddenly the watchers noticed that runny stuff was pouring down the insides of all the hundreds of little glass tubes and squirting out into the great tub below. And in every single tube the runny stuff was of a different colour, so that all the colours of the rainbow (and many others as well) came sloshing and splashing into the tub. It was a lovely sight. And when the tub was nearly full, Mr Wonka pressed another button, and immediately the runny stuff disappeared, and a whizzing whirring noise took its place; and then a giant whizzer started whizzing round inside the enormous tub, mixing up all the different coloured liquids like an ice-cream soda. Gradually, the mixture began to froth. It became frothier and frothier, and it turned from blue to white to green to brown to yellow, then back to blue again.

'Watch! ' said Mr Wonka.

Click went the machine, and the whizzer stopped whizzing. And now there came a sort of sucking noise, and very quickly all the blue frothy mixture in the huge basin was sucked back into the stomach of the machine. There was a moment of silence. Then a few queer rumblings were heard. Then silence again. Then suddenly, the machine let out a monstrous mighty groan, and at the same moment a tiny drawer (no bigger than the drawer in a slot machine) popped out of the side of the machine, and in the drawer there lay something so small and thin and grey that everyone thought it must be a mistake. The thing looked like a little strip of grey cardboard.

The children and their parents stared at the little grey strip lying in the drawer.

'You mean that's all? ' said Mike Teavee, disgusted.

'That's all, ' answered Mr Wonka, gazing proudly at the result. 'Don't you know what it is? '

There was a pause. Then suddenly, Violet Beauregarde, the silly gum-chewing girl, let out a yell of excitement. 'By gum, it's gum! ' she shrieked. 'It's a stick of chewing-gum! '

'Right you are! ' cried Mr Wonka, slapping Violet hard on the back. 'It's a stick of gum! It's a stick of the most amazing and fabulous and sensational gum in the world! '

 

21

Good-bye Violet

 

'This gum, ' Mr Wonka went on, 'is my latest, my greatest, my most fascinating invention!

It's a chewing-gum meal! It's … it's … it's … That tiny little strip of gum lying there is a

whole three-course dinner all by itself! '

'What sort of nonsense is this? ' said one of the fathers.

'My dear sir! ' cried Mr Wonka, 'when I start selling this gum in the shops it will change everything! It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking! There will be no more shopping to do! No more buying of meat and groceries! There'll be no knives and forks at mealtimes! No plates! No washing up! No rubbish! No mess! Just a little strip of Wonka's magic chewing-gum — and that's all you'll ever need at breakfast, lunch, and supper! This piece of gum I've just made happens to be tomato soup, roast beef, and blueberry pie, but you can have almost anything you want! '

'What do you mean, it's tomato soup, roast beef, and blueberry pie? ' said Violet Beauregarde.

'If you were to start chewing it, ' said Mr Wonka, 'then that is exactly what you would get on the menu. It's absolutely amazing! You can actually feel the food going down your throat and into your tummy! And you can taste it perfectly! And it fills you up! It satisfies you! It's terrific! '

'It's utterly impossible, ' said Veruca Salt.

'Just so long as it's gum, ' shouted Violet Beauregarde, 'just so long as it's a piece of gum and I can chew it, then that's for me! ' And quickly she took her own world-record piece of chewing-gum out of her mouth and stuck it behind her left ear. 'Come on, Mr Wonka, ' she said, 'hand over this magic gum of yours and we'll see if the thing works.'

'Now, Violet, ' said Mrs Beauregarde, her mother; 'don't let's do anything silly, Violet.' 'I want the gum! ' Violet said obstinately. 'What's so silly? '

'I would rather you didn't take it, ' Mr Wonka told her gently. 'You see, I haven't got it quite right yet. There are still one or two things …'

'Oh, to blazes with that! ' said Violet, and suddenly, before Mr Wonka could stop her, she shot out a fat hand and grabbed the stick of gum out of the little drawer and popped it into her mouth. At once, her huge, well-trained jaws started chewing away on it like a pair of tongs.

'Don't! ' said Mr Wonka.

'Fabulous! ' shouted Violet. 'It's tomato soup! It's hot and creamy and delicious! I can feel it running down my throat! '

'Stop! ' said Mr Wonka. 'The gum isn't ready yet! It's not right! '

'Of course it's right! ' said Violet. 'It's working beautifully! Oh my, what lovely soup this is! '

'Spit it out! ' said Mr Wonka.

'It's changing! ' shouted Violet, chewing and grinning both at the same time. 'The second course is coming up! It's roast beef! It's tender and juicy! Oh boy, what a flavour! The baked potato is marvellous, too! It's got a crispy skin and it's all filled with butter inside! '

'But how in-teresting, Violet, ' said Mrs Beauregarde. 'You are a clever girl.'

'Keep chewing, baby! ' said Mr Beauregarde. 'Keep right on chewing! This is a great day for the Beauregardes! Our little girl is the first person in the world to have a chewing-gum meal! '

Everybody was watching Violet Beauregarde as she stood there chewing this extraordinary gum. Little Charlie Bucket was staring at her absolutely spellbound, watching her huge rubbery lips as they pressed and unpressed with the chewing, and Grandpa Joe stood beside him, gaping at the girl. Mr Wonka was wringing his hands and saying, 'No, no, no, no, no! It isn't ready for eating! It isn't right! You mustn't do it! '

'Blueberry pie and cream! ' shouted Violet. 'Here it comes! Oh my, it's perfect! It's beautiful! It's … it's exactly as though I'm swallowing it! It's as though I'm chewing and swallowing great big spoonfuls of the most marvellous blueberry pie in the world! '

'Good heavens, girl! ' shrieked Mrs Beauregarde suddenly, staring at Violet, 'what's happening to your nose! '

'Oh, be quiet, mother, and let me finish! ' said Violet.

'It's turning blue! ' screamed Mrs Beauregarde. 'Your nose is turning blue as a blueberry! ' 'Your mother is right! ' shouted Mr Beauregarde. 'Your whole nose has gone purple! ' 'What do you mean? ' said Violet, still chewing away.

'Your cheeks! ' screamed Mrs Beauregarde. 'They're turning blue as well! So is your chin! Your whole face is turning blue! '

'Spit that gum out at once! ' ordered Mr Beauregarde.

'Mercy! Save us! ' yelled Mrs Beauregarde. 'The girl's going blue and purple all over! Even her hair is changing colour! Violet, you're turning violet, Violet! What is happening to you? '

'I told you I hadn't got it quite right, ' sighed Mr Wonka, shaking his head sadly. 'I'll say you haven't! ' cried Mrs Beauregarde. 'Just look at the girl now! '

Everybody was staring at Violet. And what a terrible, peculiar sight she was! Her face and hands and legs and neck, in fact the skin all over her body, as well as her great big mop of curly hair, had turned a brilliant, purplish-blue, the colour of blueberry juice!

'It always goes wrong when we come to the dessert, ' sighed Mr Wonka. 'It's the blueberry pie that does it. But I'll get it right one day, you wait and see.'

'Violet, ' screamed Mrs Beauregarde, 'you're swelling up! '

'I feel sick, ' Violet said.

'You're swelling up! ' screamed Mrs Beauregarde again.

'I feel most peculiar! ' gasped Violet.

'I'm not surprised! ' said Mr Beauregarde.

'Great heavens, girl! ' screeched Mrs Beauregarde. 'You're blowing up like a balloon! '

'Like a blueberry, ' said Mr Wonka.

'Call a doctor! ' shouted Mr Beauregarde.

'Prick her with a pin! ' said one of the other fathers.

'Save her! ' cried Mrs Beauregarde, wringing her hands.

But there was no saving her now. Her body was swelling up and changing shape at such a rate that within a minute it had turned into nothing less than an enormous round blue ball — a gigantic blueberry, in fact — and all that remained of Violet Beauregarde herself was a tiny pair of legs and a tiny pair of arms sticking out of the great round fruit and little head on top.

'It always happens like that, ' sighed Mr Wonka. 'I've tried it twenty times in the Testing Room on twenty Oompa-Loompas, and every one of them finished up as a blueberry. It's most annoying. I just can't understand it.'

'But I don't want a blueberry for a daughter! ' yelled Mrs Beauregarde. 'Put her back to what she was this instant! '

Mr Wonka clicked his fingers, and ten Oompa-Loompas appeared immediately at his side.

'Roll Miss Beauregarde into the boat, ' he said to them, 'and take her along to the Juicing Room at once.'

'The Juicing Room? ' cried Mrs Beauregarde. 'What are they going to do to her there? '

'Squeeze her, ' said Mr Wonka. 'We've got to squeeze the juice out of her immediately. After that, we'll just have to see how she comes out. But don't worry, my dear Mrs Beauregarde. We'll get her repaired if it's the last thing we do. I am sorry about it all, I really am …'

Already the ten Oompa-Loompas were rolling the enormous blueberry across the floor of the Inventing Room towards the door that led to the chocolate river where the boat was waiting. Mr and Mrs Beauregarde hurried after them. The rest of the party, including little Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe, stood absolutely still and watched them go.

'Listen! ' whispered Charlie. 'Listen, Grandpa! The Oompa-Loompas in the boat outside are starting to sing! '

The voices, one hundred of them singing together, came loud and clear into the room:

 

'Dear friends, we surely all agree

There's almost nothing worse to see

Than some repulsive little bum

Who's always chewing chewing-gum.

(It's very near as bad as those

Who sit around and pick the nose.)

So please believe us when we say

That chewing gum will never pay;

This sticky habit's bound to send

The chewer to a sticky end.

Did any of you ever know

A person called Miss Bigelow?

This dreadful woman saw no wrong

In chewing, chewing all day long.

She chewed while bathing in the tub,

She chewed while dancing at her club,

She chewed in church and on the bus;

It really was quite ludicrous!

And when she couldn't find her gum,

She'd chew up the linoleum,

Or anything that happened near —

A pair of boots, the postman's ear,

Or other people's underclothes,

And once she chewed her boy-friend's nose.

She went on chewing till, at last,

Her chewing muscles grew so vast

That from her face her giant chin

Stuck out just like a violin.

For years and years she chewed away,

Consuming fifty bits a day,

Until one summer's eve, alas,

A horrid business came to pass.

Miss Bigelow went late to bed,

For half an hour she lay and read,

Chewing and chewing all the while

Like some great clockwork crocodile.

At last, she put her gum away

Upon a special little tray,

And settled back and went to sleep —

(She managed this by counting sheep).

But now, how strange! Although she slept,

Those massive jaws of hers still kept

On chewing, chewing through the night,

Even with nothing there to bite.

They were, you see, in such a groove

They positively had to move.

And very grim it was to hear

In pitchy darkness, loud and clear,

This sleeping woman's great big trap

Opening and shutting, snap-snap-snap!

Faster and faster, chop-chop-chop,

The noise went on, it wouldn't stop.

Until at last her jaws decide

To pause and open extra wide,

And with the most tremendous chew

They bit the lady's tongue in two.

Thereafter, just from chewing gum,

Miss Bigelow was always dumb,

And spent her life shut up in some

Disgusting sanatorium.

And that is why we'll try so hard

To save Miss Violet Beauregarde

From suffering an equal fate.

She's still quite young. It's not too late,

Provided she survives the cure.

We hope she does. We can't be sure.'

 

 

22

Along the Corridor

 

'Well, well, well, ' sighed Mr Willy Wonka, 'two naughty little children gone. Three good

little children left. I think we'd better get out of this room quickly before we lose anyone

else! '

'But Mr Wonka, ' said Charlie Bucket anxiously, 'will Violet Beauregarde ever be all right again or will she always be a blueberry? '

'They'll de-juice her in no time flat! ' declared Mr Wonka. 'They'll roll her into the de-juicing machine, and she'll come out just as thin as a whistle! '

'But will she still be blue all over? ' asked Charlie.

'She'll be purple? cried Mr Wonka. 'A fine rich purple from head to toe! But there you are! That's what comes from chewing disgusting gum all day long! '

'If you think gum is so disgusting, ' said Mike Teavee, 'then why do you make it in your factory? '

'I do wish you wouldn't mumble, ' said Mr Wonka. 'I can't hear a word you're saying. Come on! Off we go! Hurry up! Follow me! We're going into the corridors again! ' And so saying, Mr Wonka scuttled across to the far end of the Inventing Room and went out through a small secret door hidden behind a lot of pipes and stoves. The three remaining children — Veruca Salt, Mike Teavee, and Charlie Bucket — together with the five remaining grown-ups, followed after him.

Charlie Bucket saw that they were now back in one of those long pink corridors with many other pink corridors leading out of it. Mr Wonka was rushing along in front, turning left and right and right and left, and Grandpa Joe was saying, 'Keep a good hold of my hand, Charlie. It would be terrible to get lost in here.'

Mr Wonka was saying, 'No time for any more messing about! We'll never get anywhere at the rate we've been going! ' And on he rushed, down the endless pink corridors, with his black top hat perched on the top of his head and his plum-coloured velvet coat-tails flying out behind him like a flag in the wind.

They passed a door in the wall. 'No time to go in! ' shouted Mr Wonka. 'Press on! Press on! '

They passed another door, then another and another. There were doors every twenty paces or so along the corridor now, and they all had something written on them, and strange clanking noises were coming from behind several of them, and delicious smells came wafting through the keyholes, and sometimes little jets of coloured steam shot out from the cracks underneath.

Grandpa Joe and Charlie were half running and half walking to keep up with Mr Wonka, but they were able to read what it said on quite a few of the doors as they hurried by. EATABLE MARSHMALLOW PILLOWS, it said on one.

'Marshmallow pillows are terrific! ' shouted Mr Wonka as he dashed by. 'They'll be all the rage when I get them into the shops! No time to go in, though! No time to go in! '

LICKABLE WALLPAPER FOR NURSERIES, it said on the next door.

'Lovely stuff, lickable wallpaper! ' cried Mr Wonka, rushing past. 'It has pictures of fruits on it — bananas, apples, oranges, grapes, pineapples, strawberries, and snozzberries …'

'Snozzberries? ' said Mike Teavee.

'Don't interrupt! ' said Mr Wonka. 'The wallpaper has pictures of all these fruits printed on it, and when you lick the picture of a banana, it tastes of banana. When you lick a strawberry, it tastes of strawberry. And when you lick a snozzberry, it tastes just exactly like a snozzberry …'

'But what does a snozzberry taste like? '

'You're mumbling again, ' said Mr Wonka. 'Speak louder next time. On we go! Hurry up! '

HOT ICE CREAMS FOR COLD DAYS, it said on the next door.

'Extremely useful in the winter, ' said Mr Wonka, rushing on. 'Hot ice cream warms you up no end in freezing weather. I also make hot ice cubes for putting in hot drinks. Hot ice cubes make hot drinks hotter.'

COWS THAT GIVE CHOCOLATE MILK, it said on the next door. 'Ah, my pretty little cows! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'How I love those cows! '

'But why can't we see them? ' asked Veruca Salt. 'Why do we have to go rushing on past all these lovely rooms? '

'We shall stop in time! ' called out Mr Wonka. 'Don't be so madly impatient! ' FIZZY LIFTING DRINKS, it said on the next door.

'Oh, those are fabulous! ' cried Mr Wonka. 'They fill you with bubbles, and the bubbles are full of a special kind of gas, and this gas is so terrifically lifting that it lifts you right off the ground just like a balloon, and up you go until your head hits the ceiling — and there you stay.'

'But how do you come down again? ' asked little Charlie.

'You do a burp, of course, ' said Mr Wonka. 'You do a great big long rude burp, and up comes the gas and down comes you! But don't drink it outdoors! There's no knowing how high up you'll be carried if you do that. I gave some to an old Oompa-Loompa once out in the back yard and he went up and up and disappeared out of sight! It was very sad. I never saw him again.'

'He should have burped, ' Charlie said.

'Of course he should have burped, ' said Mr Wonka. 'I stood there shouting, " Burp, you silly ass, burp, or you'll never come down again! " But he didn't or couldn't or wouldn't, I don't know which. Maybe he was too polite. He must be on the moon by now.'

On the next door, it said, SQUARE SWEETS THAT LOOK ROUND.

'Wait! ' cried Mr Wonka, skidding suddenly to a halt. 'I am very proud of my square sweets that look round. Let's take a peek.'

 

23

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