You might’ve been getting closer to your dream, but the closer you got, the bigger the shock it must have been when in the end you failed again.

It sure was a big shock. When the results of the 2nd examination came in, my mother told me “remember the words of Takamina (Takamina Minami)! ”. That “efforts never go unrewarded”. And because my mother told me so, I kept believing in those words. But when I received the mail announcing the results of the 3rd examination, I shouted “efforts never go unrewarded? That’s a lie! ” and threw my chopsticks at my mother. It came when we were eating. I was super enraged, and vented my anger on her. She started crying, and I skipped school for three days.

It had turned into quite the situation.

This is the one time where I gave up on entering the show business world. I was against it at first, but counting all the way down to kindergarten, I had failed more than a hundred auditions, it was time for me to stop. I told my parents I would stop aiming for the show business world and would quit dance as well. But for some reasons, that’s when my father answered, “You would give up now? ”.

The same father who was firmly against it at first.

After that my mother added “don’t give up, just try one more time” too. And then they applied for me to the Baito AKB audition on their own (laugh). After the paper screening, I passed the singing and dancing examinations too… It might’ve been a baito, but thinking about how I had finally managed to become an AKB48 member, I was so happy… (tears accumulating in her eyes). We had a group LINE for the three of us, my parents and me, and I sent them a message saying “It’s just a baito but I’m an AKB48 member now! ” — and got a call from my father right after who was overjoyed. But this baito AKB would only last for a year.

You were also applying for the Team 8, right?

I did, and went to the final round. But at that time, I got along well with Takahashi Ayane, who was applying as the representative for the Saitama prefecture as well, and I couldn’t help but keep thinking “Ayane is definitely going to be the one who passes”. It turned out she did and became the Saitama representative. So I didn’t have any regret.

What about other auditions?

There are some others where I passed the first rounds but failed the rest. Now thinking back about it, I really had some guts (laugh). Because some of the other members that got accepted at the auditions I applied to are none other than Shiraishi Mai& Nishino Nanase! I also applied to Hello! Project’s auditions and went to the final round but failed there. And I took the auditions for Idol College too.

Taking all those auditions, I think you really went through a lot prior to lashing out on your mother about Takamina’s words.

On the one hand it was my own dream, but my mother always supported me heartfully ever since the beginning, and even my father who was against it at first was now encouraging me, so the more time passed the more I did not want to waste their feelings. Up until then, I was bad at studying and there was nothing I could do to make them happy. So I wanted to succeed at becoming an idol and please them.

Did those feelings also made your motivation to become an idol stronger?

Each time I would be rejected, the feeling that “I will definitely become one! ” grew stronger, yes, but truth was “idols” seemed like such distant beings. There was no way a girl like me could become onel. Of course I wanted to stand on the same stage Oshima Yuuko stood on. But I often thought it was impossible for me. Those two opposite feelings had always been inside of me.

I would like to ask about your baito AKB days. After you became a Temporary Research Student and failed to become an official Research Student, you had given up on becoming an idol. Yet, while it was a baito, you had finally managed to enter the AKB group you had admired for so long. So what kind of feelings did you harbor when it happened?

Back when I was a Temporary Research Student, one of the staff told me that “behind any lights, there was shadow” — I didn’t quite understand what that meant at that time. But after joining Baito AKB, I found the answer. When you watch idols on your TV, they’re always wearing super cute clothes and are all shiny, but behind all of this facade, it’s an incredible amount of efforts and work that lie. I was overwhelmed when I learned this truth.

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