CHAPTER 11: COMING TOGETHER

       Fahari made regular visits to Amana and Chui. He always maintained that he was checking on his son’s progress, but the friendliness he showed to Amana grew more obvious with each visit. There was no pretense on Amana’s part, for she hungered for adult companionship. As a lioness, she enjoyed a few moments alone from time to time to reflect on the day and its deeds. But she had spent enough time by herself to last a lifetime.

In fact, Fahari’s visits were becoming much more frequent, often two or more a week, and the leopard was beginning to worry that his “constant interruptions” would get on Amana’s nerves.

One day Amana was in a particularly dark mood. She was sitting in front of the hole where her cubs had died, thinking about them, but also thinking about Mabezo. She was still a cub in her mother’s eyes when Mabezo came into her life, but already she was showing signs of approaching maturity. The sparkle of her innocent young eyes and the smile that came so easily and warmly clung to his heart like vines and trapped it.

Mabezo respected her youth, but as days passed into months, he knew her first period would come upon her and she would seek him out. He plied her with attention and gifts, so much so that the older lionesses tended to be jealous of her. They would speak harshly of her behind her back and glare at her from a distance. But when they were ready to speak openly of their disapproval, Amana would smile and greet them with such sunshine and innocent mirth that they melted like mist in the morning sun. All would be forgiven and forgotten.

Amana had loved the attention Mabezo paid her, and she would kiss him and rub him full length. Often she was tempted to satisfy her secret longing, to roll on her back before him and paw his face and tell him, “I love you father.” For such was her love for him.

Had Mabezo known this, he would have been dismayed and deeply offended. For the love she bore him was deep but bore no trace of passion. Everything she knew of passion she learned from Utamu.

Utamu! The very name sounded like a murmur of passion. The musky softness of his mane was her pillow, and the liquid depths of his hazel eyes satisfied a thirst no waterhole could reach. Trembling and shy, she had knelt for him in the soft grass and felt the glories of his passion, making his pleasures her own. Shuddering beneath his golden body, she knew that she could never let Mabezo take her in the grass. It would be a shameful thing, an almost unnatural act. Poor Mabezo! How disappointed he would be! Yet still her shame could not break her bonds of passion and tear her from her lover’s side.

Cut off from her own kind and her own land, she now languished in exile. Her loneliness was more than she could bear, and the loving attention Chui paid her was merely adequate to keep her from collapsing into complete despair. 

Fahari’s arrival broke the somber mood. He smiled warmly and said, “How’s my favorite girl!”

“Much better,” Amana said with a surge of emotion. “I’ve missed you so much, Fahari. I wish you would spend more time with me.”

“You do? I thought I was getting on your nerves.”

“What a foolish thought!” she said, pawing at him and kissing his face. “How are you? Tell me what’s been going on in the west.”

“I don’t really have much time. I was headed to Crescent Rock.”

“Then let me come with you.”

“I can’t. I have to move quietly when I’m observing.”

He started to leave, but Amana blocked his path. Trying to hold her emotions in check, she still looked at him with desperate eyes. “I would move several steps behind you. I wouldn’t say a word!”

“What’s wrong with you?”

Amana said, “Nothing! I’m a normal lioness, and I’m going out of my mind with loneliness!”

       Fahari pawed at her. “Chui is your companion--that is the order of things. I come by rather often, you know. It’s not like I neglect you. I see more of you than I ever saw of Jaha and I loved her dearly.”

       “Fahari--my dear--I could stay with you every day. I would do anything to please you. Give me a chance. I can rub your back, I can groom you.”

The leopard looked at her thoughtfully. “Look, I’ll tell you where I take my naps. There’s a different spot each time, depending on the day. But if you remember the schedule—and you are nice and quiet—you may lay next to me.

       After pressing her case so strongly, Amana did not come to him that day, nor did she seek him out the next. But on the third day when naptime came she stalked in quietly and laid next to him.

“Fahari, I sure appreciate this. I know you like to have some time alone.”

“You’re quite welcome.”

“I’ll try not to be much of a bother.”

“You’re not.” He yawned, and added gently but firmly, “Still, this IS a naptime for me. Please be nice and quiet so I can sleep, OK?”

“Sure.”

Amana was anxious to pass time talking with him. She used to gossip with the lionesses in her home pride, and she held her tongue only with the greatest effort. Still it felt good to have his warm body next to hers. She was grateful.

       The next day she showed up promptly at mid-sun. She laid next to him without even a hello, but her soft, warm presence bore mute testimony to her feelings. It took a while before she felt sure he was deeply asleep, but when she dared, she began to stroke his shoulder softly with her paw. “I know this is a sacrifice for you,” she whispered. “I know you like your time alone, but I just want to keep you with me forever. I want to groom you and lie next to you to watch the sunrise. I feel so safe when you’re around. If only you knew how much I needed you I wish I could tell you to your face….”

She sighed and closed her eyes, putting her paw over his shoulder in a gentle embrace. One of his eyes half opened and a subtle smile formed on his lips.

Over the days ahead, her attentions began to become an expected part of his day. She would always put her paw on his shoulder and give him a little pat. He began to answer that gesture by breaking silence and saying, “Rest well, my dear.”

       He always left while she was still asleep. She tried to wake in time to bid him good bye, but he always very quietly and very gently eased out from under her paw, kissed her, and watched her for a moment before leaving.

       Amana dared not bring Chui along on these visits. She would leave him sleeping peacefully in nearby bushes, his spots wonderfully concealing him from any enemies. It was enough that he was within range of her hearing. But one day Chui had been stung by a bee, and he was fearful and in pain. There was no leaving him, so she missed her appointment with Fahari.

When the sun had slid past its zenith and it was early afternoon, the leopard came to her, worried. “Oh, there you are! Thank the gods!”

“Fahari?”

He came and nuzzled her warmly. “I was worried. I thought something had happened to—Kaharabu.”

“I missed you too,” she answered, nuzzling him back. Then she batted at him with a paw, playfully challenging him. 

He sprang up, wrapping his paws around her neck and wrestling her for all he was worth. He was small but wiry, and he knew he might win if he worked at it hard enough.

Chui was elated, watching the battle from the sidelines. “Come on Dad, you can do it!” 

Amana glanced at Chui. “Silence, you little traitor!” She put up a struggle for a while, but finally, laughing, she let the smaller leopard pin her to the ground.

Fahari bent down panting to gloat about his victory, but she kissed him on the cheek, a warm smile on her face and the light of the sun in her hazel eyes. “Fahari, I think you’re wonderful.”

       He smiled and touched her with his warm pink tongue. “My favorite girl.”

CHAPTER 12: PLAYMATES

       About the time that Chui was six moons, he and Amana were having a tussle together. After they played and tired each other out, they curled together, panting happily. Chui looks to her, “Mom, will you get me something next time you are out hunting?”

       Amana nuzzled him and smiles, “I would get anything for my little leopard.”

       He smiled, “Can you find a brother or sister?”

       Amana started with a blink, “Dear…why do you think that I can find you a sibling?”
       “Sibling?” He laughed. “I just want a brother or sister!” The amusement soon gave way to curiosity. “Well, you found me, and my Mommy found me....” He stopped and nuzzled her. “Sorry. I mean Jaha.”

       “Oh no, Chui! You mean your Mommy. I don’t mind that you love her and that you miss her. I’d be very disappointed if you didn’t!”

       “You would?”

       “Sure. If you just forgot her that fast, you’d forget me that fast.”

       He smiled. “I’ll never forget you fast. Or even slow.” He nuzzled her again. “Yeah, I still miss her. I miss my sisters too.”

       “I know,” Amana said tenderly--and with a certain relief. Another successful parental diversion to her credit!

       “Well, I just wish--I mean--every time we wrestle, you always win.”

       “Not always.”

       “Yeah, but you let me win. You’re bigger than I am. In fact, you know what? You’re bigger than daddy! You’re probably the biggest cat in the whole world!”

       “Not THE biggest.”

       “Anyhow, I just want a brother or sister to play with. Find me one--please??”

       Amana sighed. So far leopard cubs were as single-minded as lion cubs--perhaps more so. “It’s a little more complicated than that. First you need a Mommy and a Daddy....”

       “Why?”

       “Because the Mommy can’t do it alone. She needs the Daddy to keep the land safe and bring her food once in a while. Till a Mommy and a Daddy come together and decide to have cubs, there won’t be any cubs.”

       “Oh….”

       Amana silently prayed that would hold the cub…but the silence only lasted a few seconds, “So what do they do when they come together, Mommy?”

       She coughed a moment and straightened herself, trying to remember how her mother introduced this topic to her. “Well, you see, sometimes a Mommy and a Daddy feel a special love for each other. A special love that makes them want to be a family. They eat together and sleep together and hunt together and tell stories together. Sooner or later, everyone realizes that they are a pair, a very special pair that makes them a family. Then when they are ready to have cubs, the Mommy gets down on the ground and the Daddy comes and touches her in a special way that makes her feel very safe and happy and loved. In fact she feels so full of love that a miracle happens.”

       “What kind of miracle?”

       “Love is a very powerful magic, Chui. And when a Mommy and Daddy love each other that much, that’s what makes the cubs appear. Cubs are made out of love. Love, and lots and lots of milk and games and naps and grooming. That’s why cubs are so beautiful. At first a Mommy and Daddy love each other, but it’s just a feeling in their heart that no one can see or smell or touch. But when they have cubs, everyone can see it, smell it and touch it.” She kissed him. “You are made of the love Fahari and Jaha felt. Your Mom is not here any more, but the love she felt for your Dad still lives on.”

       Chui smiled wistfully. “Really?”

       “Really. Fahari really misses her. But when you’re around, it doesn’t hurt so bad. Someday I want you to settle down with a beautiful leopardess and have lots of beautiful cubs. I think you’d make a very nice Daddy.”

       Chui nuzzled her. “Why don’t you let Daddy touch you in that special way so I can have brothers and sisters??”

       Amana had to fight her first reaction to answer the question. She caught her breath and smiled to the cub. “Chui, I love your father dearly, but he’s a leopard and I’m a lioness. It would never work.”

       “Why?”

       “Because he’d be trying to make leopard cubs while I’d be trying to make....”

       Amana realized the awful thing she had just said. She stopped, but not before her meaning was clear. She looked at Chui’s hurt face and said, “What I really meant to say was....”

       “Daddy wants leopard cubs, but you want lion cubs.”

       “Oh no, sweetie! No! I love all cubs alike! But you are my special little boy and I love you so much it hurts!” She groomed him frantically, working the last doubts from his mind that he was her small treasure. “Honey, I just don’t know HOW to make a leopard cub. And your daddy doesn’t know HOW to make a lion cub. We couldn’t work together very well. I would need a real lion to have cubs and he would need a real leopardess. That’s why there are different kinds of animals--we can only have young that are just like us. Believe me, Chui, I love your Daddy. If I could, I’d have cubs with him, and if it made you happy, they would all be leopard cubs!” She kissed him. “Honey, please don’t mention this to Fahari. He wants cubs too, and it would make him sad thinking about it.”

       Chui nuzzled into Amana’s fur and looked up again, “Will you ever be touched by a lion in that special way?”

       She smiled and nuzzled into him, “Maybe. But I’d have to find someone I love that special way. And right now, I love your Dad.” She sighed. “He still loves your Mother. And I still love Utamu--in a way. But we have each other. When we’re lonely, we can come together and we feel better.”

       “That’s very sad,” Chui said, looking down. “You want something you can’t have.”

       It was a remarkably accurate assessment. Amana kissed him and said, “You can’t have everything you want. I’m just glad to have the truly important things--and that I have sense enough to know it.”

       “I wish there was something I could do.”

       “Do you really want to cheer me up?”

       “Yes, Mommy! Really!”

       “Then roll over!” She shoved him on his back and nuzzled his belly until he giggled helplessly. “That’s my little squirt! Yes, that’s Momma’s little squirt and I’m going to get you!”

       Chui batted at her and giggled, “I love you Mommy.”

       “I love you too.”

 

 

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