Sound of door opening/closing

 

ANNIE

Oh, hi Nick. How was your last day as Santa Claus?

 

NICK

Great! Such nice children. One of them let me play with his binoculars!

ANNIE

Really.

 

NICK

Oh, and I’ve just finished my Christmas shopping.

 

ANNIE

But the shops are shut now.

 

NICK

No, the petrol station was open. Look I’ve bought my mum this.

 

HECTOR

A map of Watford.

 

ANNIE

But your mum doesn’t live in Watford.

 

NICK

Oh I know. She might go there one day, though! I bought shampoo for my sister.

 

HECTOR

Car shampoo.

 

NICK

Yeah, and after shave for my dad. Ha-ha-ha! Mmm.

I like the tree. Ooh, but I love these! Hey, I’ve got some too, it was the last day of the grotto today, so they were throwing these away. Ha-ha, can you believe it! Ha-ha!

 

Christmas music

 

ANNIE

No!

 

Christmas music

 

HECTOR & NICK

Perfect.

 

ANNIE

Well, it might make Bridget laugh.

 

HECTOR

Why?

 

ANNIE

I know, if Bridget can’t go to her parties, let’s have a party here!

 

NICK

When?

 

ANNIE

Oh, I don’t know. In about fifteen minutes!

 

BRIDGET

Oh! Oh! Look at the Christmas tree!

ANNIE

I know. It makes me want to cry too.

 

BRIDGET

What’s the point of having Christmas if I can’t go to my Christmas party?! Now Christmas just makes me cry!

 

HECTOR

Oh, Bridget, cheer up. Tomorrow is Christmas Day.

 

BRIDGET

[Sound of crying]

 

HECTOR

Have you got your stocking?

 

BRIDGET

Yes.

NICK

Hah, yes, and I’ve got mine!

 

ANNIE

What are you hoping for? A motor bike?

 

NICK

Ye-es! Why not?

 

BRIDGET

The only thing that will make this Christmas worse is if you invited all my friends round for a surprise party to cheer me up.

 

Sound of knocking on door

 

ANNIE

Ah.

 

ASSORTED VOICES

Surprise!!

 

BRIDGET

Oh!!

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

Hector made us mince pies.

 

HECTOR

And now the mince meat, from the best butcher!

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

The problem is, he used minced meat, instead of mincemeat.

 

ANNIE

Yuk!

ANNIE [Composing email]

Oh well! He did try!

 

HECTOR

They smell good, don’t they Charley.

 

HECTOR, NICK, BRIDGET & ANNIE

“Silent Night …”

 

NICK [Composing email]

To cheer Bridget up, we went carol singing.

 

ANNIE, NICK, BRIDGET & HECTOR

“We Three Kings of Orient are … one on a scooter, one in a car …”

 

OFF SCREEN VOICE

Good night!

 

NICK [Composing email]

People loved us!

BRIDGET

“Joyful and triumph …”

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

I also organized a surprise party for Bridget, she was surprised!

 

Sound of knocking on door

 

ANNIE

Ah.

 

ASSORTED VOICES

Surprise!!

 

BRIDGET

No-oo!

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

Tomorrow is Christmas Day and Bernard is coming for lunch. What fun!

 

Christmas music/sound of knocking on door

 

ANNIE

Hang on, I’m coming!

 

BERNARD

Ho-ho-ho, merry Christmas!

 

ANNIE

Oh, hello Bernard, merry Christmas.

I’m sorry, we had a little party last night.

BERNARD

Erm, I’m here for dinner.

 

ANNIE

Isn’t it a bit early?

 

BERNARD

Ten o'clock, time for a sherry.

 

ANNIE

Bernard, where’s your mother?

 

BERNARD

At church.

 

Sound of TV being switched on

 

ANNIE

Well I’ll just go and get dressed.

 

Christmas music

 

NICK

“To Bernard, Love from Annie.” Ha-ha.

 

BERNARD

Sherry. Thanks, Annie. Nearly finished this one.

 

NICK

“To Bridget, Love from Annie.”

 

BRIDGET

A – a flea collar. I haven’t got fleas!

 

ANNIE

I’m sorry, Bridget, wrong label. It was meant for Charley!

 

NICK

Hah! Is she sure it was meant for Charley?! Ha-ha! “To Bridget, from Hector.” Ooh!

 

BRIDGET

Oh thank you Hector, you shouldn’t have. What to Wear at Christmas Parties. Oh!!

 

HECTOR

I bought it before you …

 

BRIDGET

I’ve got a little something for you, Nick.

 

NICK

Whoo-hoo, goody! ‘Gorilla – because you are the original man.’ Whoo, ha-ha, it smells like a gorilla.

 

BRIDGET

Well, you should know.

NICK

Ooh, I wonder what this could be. Ah.

 

HECTOR

Merry Christmas, sugar plum.

 

ANNIE

Merry Christmas, snugly-puppykins.

One heart, forever.

 

BRIDGET

This will stop it!

 

ANNIE

Bridget, nothing will stop my love for Hector.

 

Sound of coughing

 

ANNIE

Well …

 

Christmas music/sound of knocking on door

 

EUNICE MOUNTAIN

I just called to say Merry Christmas!

Ah! Mmm!

 

Christmas music

 

EUNICE MOUNTAIN

Ah! Hector, Mmm.

Bridget, what has happened to you?

 

BRIDGET

I had an accident.

 

EUNICE MOUNTAIN

Oh, what a pity! You’ve missed some fabulous parties, especially at the Beckhams. Elton John, he’s a very naughty boy! Ha! Still, never mind, there is always next year. OK, must dash. Off to a top restaurant for lunch.

 

BRIDGET

Erm, Eunice.

 

EUNICE MOUNTAIN

Yes.

 

BRIDGET

Before you go, have a mince pie. Nick.

 

EUNICE MOUNTAIN

Oh.

 

Spraying noise

 

EUNICE MOUNTAIN

Oh, I shouldn’t.

But, it’s Christmas.

 

BERNARD

It’s true, there is a Santa!

And she’s a woman! Wait for me!

I want to tell you what I really want for Christmas!

 

NICK

Ha-ha-ha!

 

HECTOR

Hey, can you smell something?

 

NICK

Yeah. Is something burning?!

 

HECTOR

Ah, I forgot - the turkey!

 

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