What do you think of Erich Fromm’s definition of love? Is it what people usually mean when they speak of love?

3. Arrange the following in pairs of synonyms:

 

Integrity	erased, taken away
Unfolding	health of mind
Inflate	firm hold or grip
Transcend	skilled handiwork
Realm	made to feel separated and different
Grasp	wholeness and completeness
Craftsmanship	egoism
Alienated	honest
Selfishness	opening
Greedy	increase in size
Genuine	go beyond
Extinguish	wanting too much
Sanity	region

 

4. Give all possible derivatives of the following:

 

satisfy	sense		image		active		permit
power		person		depend		express		restrict

 

 

Text B

 

Pre-text activity 2:

1. Can you justify the saying «Love for pleasure? Marriage for con­venience»? Why?

2. Do you agree: «No herb will cure love»? «The heart that once truly loves never forgets»?

5. Read and translate the text:

 

ROMANTIC LOVE

 

The American family is supposed to be founded on the romantic love of the marital partners. Traces of a more pragmatic attitude persist in the American upper classes, where daughters are expected to marry «well» — that is, to a male who is eligible by reason of family background and earn­ing potential. Most Americans, however, tend to look askance at any­one who marries for money or some other practical reason in which love plays no part.

Happily enough, romantic love defies a clinical definition. It is a dif­ferent kind of love, though, from the love you have for your parents or your dog. It involves physical symptoms, such as pounding heart and sex­ual desire, and psychological symptoms such as obsessive focus on one person and a disregard for any resulting social or economic risks. Our cul­ture encourages us to look for this love — to find that «one and only, » per­haps even through «love at first sight.» The phenomenon of romantic love occurs when two people meet and find one another personally and physi­cally attractive. They become mutually absorbed, start to behave in what may appear to be a flighty, even irrational manner, decide that they are right for one another, and may then enter a marriage whose success is ex­pected to be guaranteed by their enduring passion. Behavior of this kind is portrayed and warmly endorsed throughout American popular culture, by books, magazines, comics, records, popular songs, movies, and TV.

Romantic love is a noble idea, and it can certainly help provide a basis for the spouses to «live happily ever after.» But since marriage can equally well be founded on much more practical considerations, why is romantic love of such importance in the modern world? The reason seems to be that it has the following basic functions in maintaining the institution of the nu­clear family:

1. Transfer of loyalties. Romantic love helps the young partners to loosen their bonds with their family or orientation, a step that is essential if a new neolocal nuclear family is to be created. Their total absorption in one another facilitates a transfer of commitment from existing family and kin to a new family of procreation, something that would be unlikely to happen under the extended family system.

2. Emotional support. Romantic love provides the couple with emo­tional support in the difficulties that they face in establishing a new life of their own. This love would not be so necessary in an extended family, where the relatives are able to confront problems cooperatively. In an ex­tended family, in fact, romantic love might even be disfunctional, for it could distract the couple from their wider obligations to other kin.

3. Incentive to marriage. Romantic love serves as a bait to lure people into marriage. In the extended family system of traditional societies, it is automatically assumed that people will marry, but in the modern world, people have considerable choice over whether they will get married or not. A contract to form a lifelong commitment to another person is not neces­sarily a very tempting proposition, however: to some, the prospect may look more like a noose than like a bed of roses. Without feelings of ro­mantic love, many people might have no incentive to marry. To most of us, particularly to those who are in love, romantic love seems to be the most natural thing in the world, but sociological analysis shows that it is a purely cultural product, arising in certain societies for specific reasons. In a dif­ferent time or in a different society, you might never fall in love, nor would you expect to.

2. Answer the following questions:

1. What is a pragmatic attitude to marriage of the American upper classes?

2. What is romantic love according to the author of the article?

3. In what way is romantic love different from any other kind of love?

4. How does romantic love effect the behaviour of those in love?

5. Why is romantic love of such importance in the modern world?

6. How has the attitude to the necessity of marriage changed in the modern world as compared to traditional societies?

7. What does sociological analysis of romantic love show?

3. Find English equivalents for:

Супруги; подходящий партнер; вступать в брак по расчету; семей­ное окружение; бьющееся сердце; зацикленность на одном человеке; физически привлекательный; эмоциональная поддержка; большая се­мья; обязанности перед родственниками; современный мир; заманчи­вое предложение.

4. Fill in the gaps with the words and expressions from the texts:

1. Most Americans, however, tend to look…. at anyone who marries … or some other practical reason in which love plays no part.

2. Our culture … us to look for this love.

3. But since marriage can equally well be founded on much more …, why is romantic love of such … in the modern world?

4. Romantic love serves as a bait … people into marriage.

5. Without feelings of romantic love, many people might have no … to marry.

 

Encourage; incentive; practical considerations; askance; importance; for money; to lure

 

5. Solve the problems:

You are a counseling psychologist. You have to answer the following letters:

1. «I am a single woman in my late 30s and nearly all of my friends are married. Although we get on well somehow the conversation always gets round to me and my single state and whether or not I'm ever going to do anything about it. They all think it isn't «natural» for a woman to remain single. I've been engaged a couple of times and broken it off, perhaps self­ishly, because I simply do not want to be tied. A couple of unmarried girl­friends do share my opinion, but we are certainly in the minority. I get ter­rible periods of doubt and wonder if I really am right in the way I feel, but all my instincts say I am. I have a marvelous job, plenty of friends and, oddly enough, whenever my friends' marriages have run into trouble, it's always me they've come to for a shoulder to cry on.

2. «We've been going out for two years but can't get married until my boyfriend is really secure in his job. He's becoming very dominating lately and is trying to make me go on the Pill so that he can have sex with me. I'm frightened of losing him if I don't. But I don't want sexual intercourse until we're married. What shall I do? »

6. Translate into English:

Помним ли мы все признаки настоящей любви? Любовь — это внимание, доброта, терпение, нежность, благодарность, уважение и преданность. Любящий человек необычайно тонко чувствует состоя­ние и потребности других людей, он терпим к человеческому несо­вершенству. Если же человек может позволить себе невежливое от­ношение или хотя бы сиюминутное недовольство предметом любви, гнев и раздражение — скорее всего, он ошибается, принимая чувство собственности и эгоизм за настоящую любовь.

Те, кто любят, способны принимать увлечения, чувства, идеи и поступки своих любимых как свои. Они воспринимают других людей такими, как они есть, и верят в них. От них всегда можно получить одобрение, похвалу, утешение, моральную и физическую поддержку, даже если для этого необходимо будет чем-то пожертвовать. Другой отличительный признак любви — способность прощать. Настоящее прощение — акт истинной любви. Если этот акт обращен к вам, то в этот момент вы чувствуете особое уважение и заботу о себе. Внут­реннее напряжение, боль и негодование, которые появляются в душе, когда что-то сделано не так, исчезают — вы вновь испытываете ра­дость и желание жить.

7. Speak on the following topics:

1. The problem of love and loneliness.

2. What is it in love? Why can’t we live without it?

Unit 6

 

ON MARRIAGE

 

Learn these words:

 

credulous	доверчивый	gullible	легковерный
admiration	восхищение	nuisance	зануда
disposition	поведение	set-back	поражение
demarcation	разделение	advantage	преимущество

 

Text A

 

Pre-text activity 1:

1. What are advantages and disadvantages of being married (single)?

2. What do you think is the best age for a person to get married?

3. Do you think it’s reasonable for young people to live together before getting married?

1. Read the text and say what its main idea and if you agree with it:

Marriage is different from love. It is a good institution but I must add that a lot depends on the person you are married to.

There is no such thing as a good wife or a good husband — there is only a good wife to Mr. A or a good husband to Mrs. B. If a credulous and gullible woman marries a pathological liar, they may live together happily to the end of their days —one telling lies, the other believing them. A man who cannot live without constant admiration should marry a «God you are wonderful! » type of woman. If he is unable to make up his mind, he is right in wedding a dictator. One dictator may prosper in marriage: two are too many. The way to matrimonial happiness is barred to no one. It is all a matter of choice. One should not look for perfection? One should look for the complementary half of a very imperfect other half.

If someone buys a refrigerator, it never occurs to him that it is a bad re­frigerator because he cannot play grammophone records on it; nor does he blame his hat for not being suitable for use as a flower-vase. But many people who are very fond of their stomach marry their cook or a cook — and then blame her for being less radiantly intelligent and witty than Geor­ges Sand. Or a man may be anxious to show off his wife beauty and ele­gance, marry a mannequin and be surprised to discover in six months that she has no balanced views on the international situation. Another marries a girl only and exclusively because she is seventeen and is much surprised fifteen years later that she is not seventeen any more. Or again if you marry a female book-worm who knows all about the gold standard, Praxiteles and Kepler’s laws of planetary motions, you must not blame her for being somewhat less beautiful and temperamental than Marilyn Monroe? And if ladies marry a title or a bank account, they must not blame their husbands for not being romantic heroes of the Errol Flynn type.

You should know what you are buying. And as long as you do not play records on your refrigerator and not put bunches of chrysanthemums into your hat, you have a reasonable chance of so-called happiness.

2. Answer the following questions:

1. What does a happy marriage largely depend on?

2. What sort of wife does a pathological liar need to make him happy?

3. What sort of woman should a man marry if he cannot live without constant admiration?

4. What sort of husband or wife does a dictator need to make him happy?

5. What does the author imply by saying that the way to matrimonial happiness is barred to no one?

6. What principle should one be guided by in making his choice?

7. In what cases must husband not blame their better halves for quali­ties they lack?

8. When do you have a reasonable chance of so-called happiness?

3. Find English equivalents for:

Патологический лжец; постоянное восхищение; супружеское сча­стье; дело выбора; уравновешенный взгляд; книжный червь.

4. Fill in the prepositions:

When Lucy married … Nicholas she was well aware … the fact that married life was not all a bed …roses. Men demanded cooked meals three times … a day even … hot days. Having been warned … her mother Lucy made … her mind … the very beginning to make their marriage perfect. Men are fond.. looking … other women. Every bright girl knew that if she came … breakfast table … curlers and … a dressing gown her husband would compare her … the pretty young thing he sees going… work. It sounded rather depressing … Lucy, but she did what she was supposed to do. She put … lipstick and an attractive dress as soon as she got … which was a terrible nuisance when she wanted to go back.. bed … Nickolas left. And Lucy and Nickolas never shouted … each other. They both kept their temper … until they could perhaps take it out … the paper boy. … all Nickolas knew Lucy had a perfect disposition. So it really looked as if their marriage were perfect. Lucy used to look … some couples and listen … girls complaining … the way husbands behaved and she felt rather happy.

Then it happened. Lucy met … her first set-back. Only it was not an­other woman. It was … all the absurd things … the world a television set. It had all started … the day Nickolas came home … work … his eyes shining.

 

Text B

 

Pre-text activity 2:

1. Do you agree that marriage is less respected today than it used to be?

2. Why do some people remain single?

1. Read and translate the text:

 

TEENAGE MARRIAGES — THE WAY TO MORE

GOLDEN WEDDINGS?

 

There are some people who argue that marriage is less respected today than it used to be. What they may really be worrying about is that times have changed and attitudes towards personal relationships, towards mar­riages and the family have changed with them. Certainly marriage has never been more popular. The number of marriages has risen faster than the rise in population, so fewer people remain single. A very high propor­tion of divorced persons remarry which shows that at bottom they are quite in favour of married life.

What is particularly plain to see, however, is that marriages are con­tinuing to get younger. The biggest age-group of brides is now the under-twenty-ones (ten years ago it was the 21—24 age-group). For men, the big­gest age-group at marriage is still the twenty-one to twenty-fours, but the teenage group has more than doubled in 10 years.

Naturally, it follows that mothers are getting younger, too. Births to girls up to 17 years of age have increased by 300 per cent in ten years.
At the moment there are no signs that this trend is going to come to an end or even turn back. In fact, one third of today's teenagers think that a girl's chance of marriage is over at 21 in any case.

So where is the trend going to stop? Will the majority of today's chil­dren in primary school marry at 16 or 17? Is our present generation of small children being brought up by parents who are not much more than the children themselves? (And if so, is it a better or worse thing? ) If mar­riage is getting younger and life is getting longer, are these marriages go­ing to withstand the test of time? Or will divorce figures show a sharp in­crease — and start yet more discussions about lack of respect for marriage and family relationships?

These are some of the questions that have to be discussed. But first, what do today's young marrieds think about their own marriage in particu­lar and about marriage in general? One of the most surprising things is the emphasis they all put on sharing in marriage and a more equal partnership on the one hand, and on the other their critical attitude towards their par­ents' generation of marrieds.

«Don's father would have died of shock if he were ever asked to wash up, » said Julie, aged 19. «But Don will have a go at anything from washing up to cooking, from making the baby's bottle to changing her nappy. He has never said. That's your job'. All the jobs are ours.»

Among the openly critical remarks about parental marriages were the «following»: «Dad goes to pub and Mum goes to the cinema, but we go out together always.» «My parents have separate holidays, » in a tone of horror from an 18-year-old. «Dad gives Mother the housekeeping money and pays the big bills himself, so she doesn't know what the electricity bill is, while we plan everything together.»' Sometimes even with young peo­ple, there is still a demarcation line drawn. I found one 19-year-old hus­band and father who would joyfully carry the baby but refused to carry a shopping bag, whatever might happen. But there is more exchange of ideas, greater frankness (particularly about sex) and more sharing. To il­lustrate what many young couples say about being able to discuss every­thing together, I quote Mrs. Helen Brook, chairman of the Brook Advisory Centres, which provide help for young unmarried people on emotional sexual or birth-control problems. «About one third of the appointments at our centre are made by the young men for their girl-friends after they have discussed things together, » Mrs. Brook told me. «None of them seems to have all those secret problems that older married people have. They can really talk about everything, and they don't pretend. This wonderful new ability to express themselves and talk things over together will clearly in­fluence future marriage relationships and improve them.»

However this does not mean that there are no conflicts in young mar­riages. There are disagreements in all marriage relationships; why should there be fewer in young marriages? There are more objective reasons for strain and stress. The younger marriages are the most badly housed; they will probably be in the lower income groups; they may very well have married because the girl was expecting a baby.

On the subjective side, it must be pointed out that this age is not always a time of great tolerance — a most important quality in marriage — but rather a time when young people are trying to stress their individual inde­pendence. Not all of them have enough insight and experience to overcome the prob­lems that arise in marriage. Being a young mother may be physi­cally an ad­vantage, but it creates its own special problems in marriage re­lationships.

Is young marriage therefore more in danger of breaking up? On the face of it, the answer is «Yes». A bride under 20 is two or three times likely to get divorced as one over 25. But the statistics mainly deal with the young marriages of the wartime and immediate postwar period, which were closely influenced by factors other than just youth. So far as any pre­diction can be made about the young marriages at present, ' it looks as if they will follow the trend for all marriages and be less likely to end in di­vorce. In fact, the teenage marriage which becomes the golden wedding may well become the pattern of the future.

2. Answer the following questions:

1. Why do you think marriages are continuing to get younger?

2. What do you think about the trend of getting married very young? Is it a better or a worse thing? Give pros and cons.

3. What critical remarks can you say about your parents’ marriage?

4. What can you say about the relationships in the young married fami­lies?

5. What are the problems of the young married couples?

6. Do you think that tolerance is a most important quality in marriage? Why? What are the other qualities?

7. What is your ideal of married life?

3. Fill in the gaps with the words and expressions from the text:

1. Some people argue that marriage is less … today than it used to be.

2. A very high … of divorced persons … which shows that at bottom they are quite in favour of …

3. The biggest age-group of … is now the under-twenty-ones.

4. What do today's young … think about their own marriage?

5. This does not mean that there are no … in young marriages.

 

married life; proportion; conflicts; respected; marrieds; brides; remarry

 

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