Someday it's going to give me

Immense satisfaction telling that

jerkoff exactly what he really is.

There is a knock on the door.

ANDY

(friendly)

Just a second, please.

Kaufman has put on a pair of pants and a sweatshirt that reads: “I Love Grandma”. He walks over and opens the door. Tony is standing there with a very determined look on his face. He is not wearing the tux.

ANDY

(big smile)

Tony, it's so good to see you.

Tony enters.

ANDY

I was just meditating...

Would you care for some carrot juice?

TONY

No, Mr. Kaufman.

(to the point)

I've been doin' some talkin'

ta Anna lately and...

ANDY

Yes, Tony?

TONY

I've decided...

I don't wanna do my act any more.

Kaufman's heart skips a beat. The outfit is one thing, but this is a tux of a completely different color.

ANDY

You don't want to do your act any more.

But Tony, your concerts draw thousands

of bucks... I mean people. You can't stop now.

TONY

Well, I was thinkin' maybe

I could do... a movie.

ANDY

A movie!

TONY

Yeah. The other night I was watchin'

TV and I saw this old movie about a

Hunchback -- y'know, and he was

Callin' out for “wadda -- wadda”,

Y'know, somethin' ta drink. But the

People were throwin' things at him.

It reminded me when I was a little kid.

I was yellin' out “wadda -- wadda”,

But nobody would give me any wadda.

ANDY

(puzzled)

You must be referring to...

“The Hunchback of Notre Dame”.

TONY

Yeah, that's it!

“The Hunchback of Notre Dame”.

Wadda, wadda... that's the movie I

Wanna do. I wanna play the old hunchback.

ANDY

(trying not to laugh)

Tony! “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”

Is a beloved classic. You can't expect

to do that... people will die lau...

(catches himself)

Wait a second.

(the idea sinks in)

“The Hunchback of Notre Dame”...

(excited)

Tony, I think you've got something there.

TONY

Ya do?

ANDY

Yes... it's wonderful. I can just see it...

you playing Quasimoto... the king of fools...

TONY

Yeah... it'll be my dramatic debut.

ANDY

Oh, it certainly will...

(into it)

I'll even direct it myself.

TONY

I'm glad ya liked the idea.

ANDY

Like the idea! I love the idea!

(leading Tony to the door)

Just go home and don't worry about a thing.

(opens door)

By the way, how's the meditation going?

TONY

I can't seem ta remember my mantra.

ANDY

I'm sure if you go home right now

And think about it, it'll come back.

TONY

(stepping into hall)

Well, thanks for everything... Andy.

ANDY

Don't mention it... Tony. Bye.

Andy shakes Tony's hand, then closes the door in his face. He runs to his desk, sits down, picks up the phone and dials.

ANDY

(into phone)

Hello, operator... I'd like to place a

Person-to-person call to Mr. Sean Daniel

at Universal Studios in Hollywood, California...

it's from Andy Kaufman. Thank you...

Hello, Sean... dank you veddy much.

(laughs)

How are ya... the golf game's going good...

listen... remember you told me the guys

In the Tower are going comedy crazy?

Well... do I have a movie for you!

Kaufman turns his back to us in his swivel chair.

CUT TO

EXT. MOVIE THEATRE

There is a spectacular Hollywood premier in progress. Kleig lights, red carpets, thousands of fans, limos arriving with “big name” stars. We see a gigantic marquee that reads: “Andy Kaufman Presents Tony Clifton in THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME”. Kaufman's extravagant limo pulls up. Kaufman and the two sisters step out. They are all dressed in peach tuxedos. The fans go crazy -- Kaufman yells to them.

ANDY

(in Latka's voice)

Dank you veddy much.

The fans love it. He waves and enters the theatre. Next we see Tony and the gang pulling up in his car. The crowd spots Clifton and begins to boo.

TONY

(raising fist)

Ah, shut up!

The crowd goes wild and applauds. Tony enters theatre with his friends.

INT. THEATRE LOBBY

Much hoopla. A Photographer comes up to Tony.

PHOTOGRAPHER

Excuse me, Mr. Clifton, could we get a

Picture of you and Mr. Kaufman together?

TONY

Well... I'm here with my friends.

ANNA

Tony, it's all right, you go ahead.

We'll be inside.

BUGSY

Yeah, Tony... we'll save you a seat.

TONY

Thanks, Bugs, but I think I'm gonna

Stand in the back. I'm a little nervous.

KONWAY

Tony, you're going to be fine.

TONY

Thanks, Konway.

PEE WEE

⇐ Предыдущая23242526272829303132Следующая ⇒

Поделиться: