In flight. “PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA” is supered on the screen.

INT. VALLEY FORGE MUSIC THEATRE - ANDY

On stage, has just finished impersonating Elvis. He strips off his Elvis attire and flings it into the exhilarated crowd. He approaches the mike.

ANDY

(in Latka voice)

Dank you veddy much.

The audience goes crazy.

ANDY

(own voice)

Ladies and gentlemen, you've been

A wonderful audience, and I'd like

To sing this next song just for you.

The stage lights dim as Andy sings his closer... “Friendly World”. The song is quite touching, especially aided with Andy's naive sentimentality.

ANDY

(singing)

“The world is such a wonderful place to

Wander through when you have someone

you love to wander along with you...”

We see Zmuda watching from the wings, enjoying the sheer simplicity of the moment. A few yards behind him, in one of the more darkened and secluded backstage areas, is Marilyn Comstack... she's giving her phone number to an attractive-looking stage hand. Zmuda spots her. She sees him and quickly adjusts her stance, confirming his suspicions. Meanwhile....

ANDY

Come on, everybody, put your arms around

The person sitting next to you and sway

Back and forth to the rhythm of the music.

Everybody sing!

(singing)

“The world is such a wonderful place to

Wander through when you have someone

you love to wander along with you.”

FADE OUT

FADE IN

INT. THEATRICAL RESTAURANT - LATER

Philadelphia's answer to Sardi's. Glossies of celebrities adorn the walls. Kaufman and Zmuda are eating.

ANDY

Maybe I should order something

“to go” for Marilyn.

ZMUDA

Andy, if she wanted to eat,

She would have come along.

ANDY

No, you don't understand. She had

A headache -- she just wanted to

Get back to the hotel and lie down.

She still might be hungry.

ZMUDA

Andy, look. I don't want to say

Anything, but you're traveling all

Around the country with this woman

And you don't know a damn thing about her.

ANDY

Don't you understand, Bob? This is the

first woman I ever loved! The first.

That makes her the perfect love.

Zmuda is about to speak but is sidetracked by a commotion coming from the front of the restaurant. People start turning around.

ZMUDA

What the hell is that?

INT. FRONT OF RESTAURANT - TONY CLIFTON

Being thrown out. He is holding a stack of 8 x 10 glossies of himself.

TONY

Getcha hands off me.

Getcha hands off me.

WAITRESS

I'm not touching you. We told you before,

We don't want you coming in here putting

Your pictures up all over the place.

TONY

I'm in the business here. I deserve ta have

my picture up here with them other guys...

Last night I put my picture up here and you

took it off... I put it up da night before...

You took that off, too. Whatta you doin',

Sellin' my pictures? I want some a da profits.

WAITRESS

I can assure you, sir -- no one is

Selling your pictures. Your pictures

Are going right in the garbage.

TONY

(pointing to wall)

Look here, look who ya got here.

You got a picture a da Harmonicats

Up there. Those guys died years ago.

WAITRESS

Just move along. I don't

Want to call the police.

TONY

Yeah, I'll move along on you.

(spotting Andy)

Hey, I know dat guy. He's from TV.

TONY

(continuing)

Wait a minute, getcha hands off me...

He happens ta be a friend of mine,

he's in da business wid me... Hey...

ZMUDA

Oh man, get a load of this

Character. He's coming over.

ANDY

Just make believe we don't see him.

ZMUDA

Too late.

Tony walks up to them.

TONY

Hey, hey, I've seen you on da TV.

Yeah, you're... Steve Martin.

ANDY

No, no, I'm Andy Kaufman.

TONY

That's right, Kaufman... Kaufman.

I've seen you plenty a times. You

Do that “wild and crazy guy”. Hey,

Folks, this is the guy here, he

Does that “wild and crazy guy”.

ANDY

No, I go, “dank you veddy much”.

TONY

Yeah, well, you're welcome.

ANDY

No, no, that's what I say on TV --

“dank you veddy much”.

TONY

(exploding)

Oh yeah -- that's right, now I remember --

Dank you veddy much, dank you veddy much.

Just like an illegal alien. Hey, folks, this is the

guy here... the illegal alien, “dank you veddy much”.

Waitress walks over to Kaufman.

WAITRESS

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