Tony finishes the song. Mild applause.

TONY

(bowing)

Thank you, thank you very much.

For my next number, I'd like ta...

EMCEE

Excuse me, Mr. Clifton, it's only

one song. One song per singer...

Five minutes per comedian.

TONY

Well, in that case, I'm a comedian,

So give me five more minutes.

For my next song...

EMCEE

I'm sorry, you came up here as a

singer. Your time's up... so, if

You would just get off the stage.

TONY

I came here with da understandin'

That I was gonna get ta do a few

Numbers here. I got da old wild

And crazy guy sittin' there,

he flew in all da way...

EMCEE

Sir, there are other performers

Who want to go up.

TONY

Other performers! Who wants ta see

These risin' stars here, when ya got a

Chance ta see a star that's already risen.

We start hearing boos.

TONY

If ya wanna get rid a me, you're

gonna have ta drag me off bodily!

The Emcee does just that.

TONY

(yelling)

Getcha hands off me.

Getcha hands off me! I'll call a cop!

Zmuda and Kaufman are hysterical. Tony is literally thrown outside by the seat of his pants. The place is in chaos. People are booing; the dog is barking and running loose. Kaufman and Zmuda step outside.

EXT. PORTERHOUSE LOUNGE - A FEW SECONDS LATER - KAUFMAN

Is speaking to Tony.

TONY

Mr. Kaufman, I'm sorry for da little

Turmoil dere, but it's a rinky-dink

Operation. When I play da big rooms

In Vegas, that sort a thing never happens.

ANDY

(interrupting)

Tony, listen... would you consider playing

Someplace else besides Philadelphia?

TONY

Whatta ya talkin' about?

ANDY

I'm headlining in L.A. on October

Th, and I need an opening act.

I'd like you to be my special guest.

TONY

(reaching in coat)

Lemme check my book here.

(pulls out datebook)

October 24th... October 24th.

Ya want me to be your special guest, huh?

(flipping pages)

I don't know, it looks bad -- it looks bad.

I got a Gong Show down da road here.

Maybe I could change somethin' around here...

Yeah, I'll do it for you.

ANDY

Well, that's great. Now, do

You have any arrangements?

TONY

What kind a arrangements...

Hotel arrangements?

ANDY

No, musical arrangements.

TONY

Whatta ya mean, musical arrangements?

I was gonna sing with da record here.

ANDY

No, no Tony.

I'd rather we use a real band.

TONY

You wanna use a real band. Oh yeah,

That's much better than usin' da records.

Because then you can get the full flavor...

savor da voice of Tony Clifton.

ANDY

Yes, that's exactly what I want...

Your full voice.

TONY

(rambling)

You can savor da flavor in

da mayvor in da payvor!!

ANDY

Yeah, Tony, that's great.

Zmuda shakes his head in disbelief.

ANDY

So, it's all set... October 24th,

Eight o'clock, the Comedy Store.

You will be my opening act.

They shake hands.

INT. CAR - LATER THAT EVENING

Kaufman and Zmuda are riding through the deserted streets of Philly. Zmuda is at the wheel laughing, while Kaufman is imitating Tony singing.

ANDY

(singing)

“Don't be a Mister Milk Toast

or you'll be put out...”

A light turns red and they come to a stop. Soon another car pulls up beside them, and Zmuda nonchalantly looks in. The driver is none other than the same stagehand Marilyn took such a liking to. The thought alone makes Zmuda anxiously await the changing of the light. He looks again. This time he sees a woman's hand slithering up the stagehand's neck -- it belongs to Marilyn Comstack. She proceeds to lick the stagehand's ear. Zmuda protectively tries to block the view from Andy. But it's too late. Kaufman has seen everything. Zmuda stomps on the gas and runs the light, leaving behind a cloud of carbon dioxide... and Andy's “perfect” love.

FADE OUT

FADE IN

EXT. COMEDY STORE - NIGHT - THE MARQUEE

That reads, “Tonight -- Andy Kaufman -- With Special Guest, Tony Clifton”.

INT. COMEDY STORE - AUDIENCE P.O.V. - THE STAGE

House lights go down, curtains open and out walks Kaufman on stage. Applause.

ANDY

(changed)

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great

Pride that I introduce to you, a man that

I believe will be the next Eighth Wonder

Of the World, my own personal discovery,

Mr. Tony Clifton!

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